"Are You A Mexi-CAN Or A Mexi-CAN'T?"

I've Moved!

2011-12-30T20:55:00.002-06:00

In case anyone is still reading I just want you all to know that I have moved and sort of morphed into a more family type blog. Come and see me: http://thepoopdalek.wordpress.com/

Moving Right Along

2010-08-21T20:57:00.002-05:00

I continue to press onwards toward my goals in life. I keep trying to decide if I want to stop blogging entirely or return to writing a couple times a week. I think I'd like to blog, I just run out of time. I am a thinker and an observer and don't always wish to tell the world what is on my mind. We'll see where that gets me.

I recently finished a couple classes to become a nurse's aide. I am looking for a job working with patients. It's an exciting time for me. I estimate that I have two more years before I can start medical school. Another two years of that and I'll have my career as a physician assistant.

I think I want to specialize in surgery once I get to med school. However, I might also emphasize cardiology. So far it is my strongest interest in medicine.

Life has been crazy busy for the past several months. I thought I'd have a nice summer break, but instead I've been busy most of the time. Next week I'll be starting my classes for the fall. I'm kind of shocked at how fast this year has flown by.

I've been reading a lot of blogs and ideas and stuff lately. I'll try to incorporate some of my thoughts into later posts. Frankly, it's difficult to write sometimes. I feel as if I know so little and so much at the same time. But I'll try. I think.

My Brain Never Tires

2010-03-22T20:21:00.002-05:00

There's this phrase that I don't like much. It goes: "You've got your head in the clouds." I think it means that I am a thinking person. Which is why the phrase strikes me as ridiculous. It would be more accurate to say that I have my head cerebrally located -- perhaps differing from the bodily locations where others sometimes keep their heads? Another meaning of the phrase "head in the clouds" is the notion that I'm not here on earth. I do not understand why it's not possible to be a thinker, a dreamer, and a realist at the same time. There are so many false dichotomies that seem to persist in day-to-day living.

I like to think about dichotomies sometimes -- true or false. I took a logic course a long time ago and I remember reading the tactics for challenging statements of this sort. A dichotomy sets up a sort of "if" . . . "then". . . scenario. For example, "If God created the world, then evolution is false." Or vice-versa. I know that's a big can of worms and I do not wish to get into a debate at the moment. But why is so little merit given to the notion that God creating the earth and evolution could co-exist? Why are so many things considered offhandedly wrong just because we want something else to be right? The best way to challenge the argument seems to mean that you must take one side or the other. I kind of like to consider the possibility that both might be true or both might be false.

There are so many things that exist in tandem. You might say the world is much more gray than it is black and white. But it is comforting to see the black and white more clearly than the gray. For example, villains should be like the ones in cartoons, or like Voldemort: all evil. But then you get heroes who are not completely good. Face it, none of them are. Peter Pan was kind of a self-righteous snot; Harry Potter rarely trusts his friends; Odysseus got all his friends killed and made up stories constantly. I could go on. If the heroes can have flaws, even traits we would consider "evil" then why can't the villains have some good in them?

Or is it that fear of the unknown that people wish to avoid. That fear that if you look into the eyes of the villain and see that he's only human then you won't want the hero to take him out anymore? And what does it mean for the rest of society? It appears to mean that bad can exist in the shape of good. Which means that it takes work to tell what is right and what is wrong. It's easier just to pretend that all things operate on extremes. Isn't it?

Spring Is Here

2010-03-17T19:34:00.003-05:00

Every season change brings something new. For me that usually means a sinus infection, a cold, or bronchitis. I think it's just a nasty head-cold this time around. I was thinking today that had it not been spring break I might have had to miss class a few times this week. Lucky for me it is spring break and I can just go ahead and sleep in. And totally waste my spring break week on stuff that isn't fun at all.

The real question, of course, is: am I back to blogging? I don't know for sure. As usual I have many ideas on stuff to blog about. My running commentary on life has little to no outlet without the blog. It's kind of upsetting actually. I miss the therapeutic aspect of typing away my thoughts into an angry or comic rant. Whichever fits my mood.

I think that part of the reason I don't blog much anymore is that constrictive feeling of knowing that so many people I am personally acquainted with will read my writing. Not to say I mind that. I kinda like it that people I know think my stuff is worth reading. On the other hand, I do have to temper it a little. However, there is this thought that I would probably temper my writing even if people I know didn't read it. The fact is, someone I know will likely come across my words and I would not wish to be unkind.

What's the big deal about anonymous blogging anyway? Why is it so frightening for people who know us to know what we are thinking? Yes, it's easier to be honest when you're talking to faceless names on a computer -- who have no nonverbal communication to boot. But is that right? Or is this one of those things that goes beyond right and wrong and is defined more by personal preference, attitude, and ability to assert one's real personality?

You tell me. If you've a mind.

Good At Math

2009-12-22T19:24:00.002-06:00

The color green is said to be soothing. It's true, it is. I always feel better after gazing at lush, green trees. What better color to use to write a rant then?

I suppose my faithful readers must be wondering if I still exist. Yes, I do. I have had very little time to write in the past few months. I am working part time and doing school part time. Which brings me to my subject.

My stupid trig teacher gave me a D-. This means I have to retake the class. I always thought I was good at math. Now I am not so sure. Of course, it is difficult to tell when the teacher can only speak (very) broken English and fails to teach anything about the subject. All he really said was "Is easy for you!" or "Need more practice" or "More practice, good for you!" None of these sentences helped me understand what the sine of 45 degrees is.

Other students told me that they had failed all the man's tests and not done all their homework yet they still got an A or B+. His curve was described as "wicked." I guess I was at the bottom of the curve then.

I am pretty much spitting mad now.

So, I'll write more later about what's going on in my life. Maybe.

Too Much Time

2009-08-17T19:43:00.003-05:00

Lately I have discovered I have a problem. It's called free time. I listen to other people talk about free time and how they don't have enough of it and they always want more of it. I just can't identify with that mindset. I have way too much free time. Growing up my Aunt P. would have "found" me "something to do" if I had complained of being bored. She was not a fan of the word "bored" or any form it can take. That was one of those quirks that I loved her for. However, the problem is not that I am bored or that I do not have enough to do. I cook, I clean, I job hunt. I hope against hope that I will be able to afford classes this semester.

No, the real problem is that I think too much. My brain cannot stop ruminating. It can get intense. The longer I have no intellectual pursuits the worse it becomes. This is certainly not that I condemn thinking or being an intellectual. Just that when I spend too much time alone with no intellectual pursuits I begin to lose some of my logic and rationality. It makes it more difficult for me to write (blog). I won't use the word crazy, but sometimes I feel like climbing walls. I simply cannot be tied down for any reason. Left to my own devices I need something to keep my mind occupied. I often fall into the realm of the past.

I will go over and over the same memories scouring them for more information. This is both helpful and not helpful. I have managed to accept a few of the tragedies that occurred during my lifetime. For example, the death of my friend C. whom I used to work with when my husband and I lived in Indiana. For a long time I could not face the fact that C. was gone. One of his favorite shows was My Name Is Earl. I have watched that show religiously for the past two years. It got canceled at the end of last season. When I realized the show was gone I felt like my friend had died all over again. I think I had put off accepting his death as long as I had a little memorial of him to hang onto. At first I thought I would be devastated. Yet, after a few more weeks I realized that I remember him joyfully. I am still sad he's gone, but I have accepted that it happened. Somehow putting my grief into something he cared about helped move me forward on that issue. So, that's just an example. It's minor compared to some of the other things I've been through (deaths in the family and more personal issues that I do not feel comfortable sharing in this rather public forum).

I have an overactive brain and when it doesn't have enough to do it seeks out all sorts of notions to churn over. On the one hand, it's good to have the time to process things (like C.'s death) that I put aside when I was too busy. On the other, I just feel like I have way too much free time. I really need a job again . . .

To Whom It May Concern

2009-07-02T16:00:00.002-05:00

I have never let my blog slide for this long before. The last month and a half was extremely busy and in some ways difficult for me.

I started working full time at an enormous company. It was a temp job though and they ran out of work for me. Now I am back to sitting on my bum, doing homework, and cleaning the house until they can find me some more work. Boredom is frustrating for me, so I hope I start working again soon. The job schedule I was working was about perfect for me. Hence, more frustration at losing it.

My grandmother passed away during my first two weeks of working full time and I was unable to attend the memorial service, it being in another state and me just starting my job and all. That was a bummer.

I had a wonderful vacation in Michigan for one week. It wasn't all fun and games since I was the matron of honor in a friend's wedding. Actually, it was all fun. For our anniversary Craig and I swore off doing wedding prep work and went to Lake Michigan for a day. It was great.

Now I am back home and working on a relatively huge decision. I am thinking that I might go back to school full time and work some sort of evening shift. I have put together a tentative class schedule. Of course, I take forever to make important decisions like this. So, that's where I am right now.

New Perspective

2009-05-17T20:32:00.002-05:00

This article on race relations in today's America intrigued me. The author has taken a courageous stand in pointing out how the legislative attitude toward civil rights is no longer beneficial. His work could be easily missunderstood -- which acounts for the length and apologetic tone of the article. But he says what needs to be said. Looking for places of hidden racism is not going to find jobs, education, and opportunity for those in impoverished neighborhoods. We need to focus on community solutions to the persistent problems of inequality and stop overemphasizing overt racists. It's time to give our attention to positive efforts.

Days Of My Lives

2009-05-16T21:29:00.004-05:00

1) I watched Wolverine about a week after it came into theaters. There is one good thing about this movie and it's really more for chicks than for guys. Hugh Jackman makes an awesome action hero. Too bad his lines and character totally sucked. Actually, most of the movie sucked. The storyline was roughly nonexistant, characters who should have died came back to life, Wolverine angsted his life away over mistakes he did not actually make, and a few random characters had a few lines each. Not to mention Wolverine was a complete moron. He seemed incapable of anticipating his brother (Victor). From the start Victor was insanely jealous, unstable, and ruthless. Wolverine persisted in believing he was a decent guy all the way to the end of the movie. It was dumb. I could not suspend my unbelief while watching the movie.

2) Star Trek was perfect. The cast did a wonderful job portraying the beloved characters from the original series. They had all the mannerisms and personalities down to a t. The plot was exciting and the action kept me on the very edge of my seat. I was happy to see that Hollywood can still make a good epic type action movie once in a while. I also enjoyed some of the additions to characters. For example, the relationship between Spock and Uhura was a great touch. I also enjoyed the fact that Chekov was more than just a side character. Dr. McCoy was great. He may in fact have been the most well cast character in the entire movie. I only wish he had been in a few more scenes. I definitely loved the part where he gets Kirk onto the Enterprise. It was classic. I cannot recommend this movie enough to fan and Star Trek ignoramous alike.

3) I did okay on my finals. I got an A in the class that I thought I would get an A in. In my other class I passed. I will need to take some more preliminary math courses before I go on to Calculus, but I got a higher grade then I expected. I would like to know for sure that I understand what's going on when I get to Calc, however.

4) I have an algebra course to take this summer and wedding to be a part of. It should be a good summer. I am planning to do a lot of work on my yard and garden areas. Landscaping, you know. It seems kind of mundane and domestic, but I am excited to have a pretty yard. I have never had a yard of my own before.

5) There are loud people in my house playing Risk right now. I wanted to hang out with a friend or two this evening, but everyone is busy. It is kind of impossible for me to see friends lately and it's getting totally frustrating. I suppose that's life, but I keep trying and trying and getting nos for answers. It's old. That's all I have to say. Maybe I should stop being so nice or something.

6) I am doing some writing in my spare time. It's okay. Not going along as well as I hoped, but any work is good.

Finding Myself

2009-04-19T20:27:00.003-05:00

As usual I have many ideas to write about and no time to write them. In fact, right now I should be studying. My finals are next week. However, before finals I have a chapter exam in each class. That means I have four exams in the next two weeks, three of them are in one week. I remember a time when this would have seemed like a drop in the bucket to me. But things have changed. I have a life now. Going back to school is quite a challenge. Still, it's what I want and I want to excel. Or, at least, I want to get a C. My pre-calc course is tough, but I think I'm going to pass. As for my other class, it's kind of a breeze. I have hardly felt challenged at all by it and have spent most class periods enjoying the discussion among the other students. God bless them, but they are not like the kids I knew during my first undergrad. Community Colleges just don't bring in the super intellectuals. Which is okay. I should learn to co-exist with average, typical people.

I ramble.

As I was saying, I am here amid piles of homework and other nonsense. I have picked up an old hobby I used to enjoy. Namely, I find myself baking many, well, baked goods. I perfected a gluten free scones recipe. I have finally made a good gluten free pie crust. I made some cookies too. And yes, I have gained a few pounds. I am also a happier person. There are many reasons I dropped my baking hobby over the last ten years or so. One of them was the difficulty involved in gluten free cooking and baking. Lately my interest in making gluten free baked goods that taste good and have good texture has grown. If I did not want to be a Physician Assistant and if I was totally crazy I'd try selling bake goods to coffee shops. But, like, I'm afraid that people would like them too much and I wouldn't have time for anything else. I want to finish my education (again).

Let me just say that in two weeks I will have some breathing time. I hope to post on several subjects of interest. I knew school would interfere with my time and blogging desire. Bear with me. In the meantime, The House Between is a great independent web tv series I have enjoyed. You have to download Veoh tv to watch it, but it's worth the effort. I expect The House Between will find it's way into my links list on the sidebar (which needs updating) as soon as I get a chance to do some blog maintenance.

Spring Cleaning

2009-03-19T21:38:00.003-05:00

I was planning to go to the gym this morning. Instead I got my workout doing spring cleaning. My muscles are much more sore than they usually are after a gym workout. I guess climbing on counters and step stools to dust cupboards and trim will do that to you. The amazing thing is I am nowhere near done with the cleaning. Although, I think I have cleaned the dirtiest spots in the house.

In my psychology class last week I was surprised by another student. We will call her K. K is about my age and bright. She is more of a follower than a leader type, but she's a regular girl. She's mildly earthy in that cocktail waitress sort of way. I met her in class my first day and so far I like her. She is definitely not generic. Last week I sat in my usual spot. I mean, I thought it was my usual spot. It turned out that someone had moved all the chairs around and I confused my usual spot with another spot. Consequently, I did not sit next to K like I ordinarily do. K sat in her usual spot. When our teacher, we'll call her Bobblehead, announced the beginning of class K raised her hand to ask a question. I should have mentioned that we received back some papers and a recent exam all graded.

K asked, "To get the full 10 points on my papers do I need to have no errors of grammatical?"

Bobblehead appeared not to comprehend the question. Understandably. After a moment Bobblehead told K that grammatical errors would reduce the grade.

I did not want to laugh at K. She's a nice girl and I like her. But I was rather shocked that any student would think she would not be downgraded for grammatical mistakes in a paper. In my college days I learned quickly not to split infinitives, splice commas, or dangle participles. Nobody got away with that kind of funny stuff at the 'Dale.

I know I am attending a community college now. I know the standards and requirements are less than the effort I accustomed myself to back in the day (I feel like a dinosaur). Still, I could not help but want to make this story into a funny anecdote to tell other intellectuals -- or to tell myself as the case may be.

Later in class we had to gather in groups and write a sentence to define something we were supposed to be learning that day. The sentence that my group constructed included a big fat dangling participle. I pointed this out and suggested we change it. I received blank stares from my classmates and some muttering about having no memory of such complex matters.

In conclusion, I think I will not make the "errors of grammatical" story into a funny anecdote to add to my repertoire. I think I will just let it slide. I am relieved that I can still get good grades if I keep to the established grammatical rules.

A Day In The Life . . .

2009-03-11T10:29:00.003-05:00

Going back to school is hard work. I spend a lot of time studying although I am only taking two classes. That is partly because I want to get a good grade and partly because Precalculas is higher math and requires many hours of study to grasp. It would help if my algebra were not so rusty. Sometimes I will be doing a math problem and I will get to a point where I realize that I do not know what to do next. Not because I'm dumb, but because I forgot the next algebraic rule that I needed to remember to keep going. It is times like those that I am thankful for partial credit.

Other things that take up my time are work. I am working at a flower shop. You would not believe the amount of work that goes into getting people their pretty flowers. Those arrangements are worth the high prices, let me tell you. However, I do not intend to speak much of work because I am always cautious about that sort of thing. Suffice it to say I enjoy my job and no, I do not design flower arrangements.

Today I am supposed to do laundry. Actually, yesterday I was supposed to do laundry. Actually, actually, I was supposed to do laundry at the end of last week. Having a washer and dryer in my own home helps, but having to study for multiple tests and keep up with other house cleaning does not help.

I recently wrote the first draft of a short story. Do not ask me how I had time for that. I intend to revise it and get some second opinions. Then maybe I will send the story out to a magazine or something to see about publishing. A little supplemental income would be nice.

I have come up with dozens of rants to write. Taking an Intro to Psychology course with a whole lot of regular people gives me so much material. I simply have little time to write my rants. But as I am sure you are all anxious to hear them I will try to get some written. Also, my holiday monkey Neville seems to have gone missing. That's why I have not announced the Neville Chamberlain award for 2008. I have sent a sleuth known as Detective Scorch (he's a Ty Beanie Baby dragon and charges very high prices for his PI skills) in search of Neville and hope to post the award before the year is half over.

In other news the weather was getting nice and it turned nasty again. I wish spring would stop teasing us Iowans.

A Perfect Analogy

2009-03-11T10:23:00.002-05:00

If you're feeling outraged about the stupid government giving money to people who have totally screwed up I recommend you read this (it's a short analogy, so it won't take up much time). It will make you laugh for a while. Then you can get back to crying when you realize how true the analogy is.

What Heros Are Not Made Of

2009-02-27T11:59:00.003-06:00

Lights, camera, action. An explosion like a blossom opens into the sky showering the world with debris. There is fire and noise and smoke. The heat of the explosion, you can almost feel it. Except, you're sitting in a cozy, butt-forming chair with your head leaning against the head rest of luxury cinema seating. So, you cannot actually feel the warmth. In fact, it's quite cold around you. That's why you brought your sweater. It is always cold at the theater.

I am as much an action movie fan as the next person. Believe me. I like the spectacular explosions because they are not real so nobody got hurt. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is not real either. Or should I say fortunately? I have come to a few conclusions about society and movies which I would like to share. Since this is where I spout off, well, just hear me out.

The word hero immediately conjures the image of the current version of a hero. Some total bada$$ with a need to save hundreds of people from certain death. Just because. Well, because he's damn cool and kinda ruthless and a badguy and women like him. Oddly enough, he has not noticed the fact that he has no life and no friends and no reason to want to save people and he's a stereotype. I think if you were to ask most people who their hero was they would not mention someone they know who blows things up and always has a snappy comeback before leaving to let others bag the bodies. No, they would probably mention a friend or relative who helped them through a tough time. I would talk about my husband because he has supported me through all of the changes I've made over the past year and a half -- despite the fact that some of those changes were inconvenient to him. An abused child might bring up the teacher or friend who gave him the courage to go to the authorities. An alcoholic might remember the friends or relatives who pushed her into rehab even after she messed up their lives.

What am I talking about? Am I seriously saying that heros are everyday people? That's so cliche. Isn't it? I do not think so. Because for every one of those small time heros there's a person who would not have done the same. Let me compare two fictional people who wanted to achieve greatness. Perhaps you can judge which of them was more of a hero.

Person No. 1 is Batman, portrayed so brilliantly in the recent flicks. He's obviously a special guy given everything from day one, but deciding to learn what he can despite his privilege. We see him use his money and power for good although it would be so easy to do otherwise (right?). He goes out at night and rescuses people from common criminals. He makes the world a better place and by the way he has a really cool car. No one quite notices the fact that his life is empty with no family or close friends. I mean, he's out doing cool things all the time, why should we care that he's all alone? Surely, the cool things must be more fulfilling than human interaction. Surely, depriving himself of human brotherhood must be working for him.

Person No. 2 is George Bailey from the Christmas movie It's a Wonderful Life. He's just an ordinary guy with dreams who grew up in a loving, supportive family. We watch George as he is trapped doing a job he hates in a town he wants to leave, surrounded by his friends and family whom he kinda takes for granted. At the same time he's all about doing good things for the people around him. George does not allow his complaints about the life he's had change the fact that he's a caring, compassionate person willing to sacrifice for others -- even to the detriment of his own reputation. It is not until the end of the film that life's frustrations build to a head and George finds himself angry at everything he loves. He is about to be ruined as far as he can tell. Despite the fact that he has given his all no one seems to have come through for him. And then it happens. They all show up at his house and promise to help him no matter what the cost. Heavenly intervention aside, a person cannot help but tear up at that ending. Or at least, I can't and I've seen that movie almost once a year since I was a young child.

It's clear to you that I think George Bailey is the true hero between the two characters. Perhaps it is because I too have delusions of grandeur. I would like to be a cool, loner like Batman. But I don't want to miss out on the greatest part of life. I don't want to miss out on companionship, family, and the connection that comes when an ordinary person helps another ordinary person in need. A cool car and an explosion are unneccessary for courage. Courage is just the simple will to live in the moment showing compassion to everyone you meet. George Bailey will always be a greater symbol of heroism to me than Batman. Not because he destroys evil, but because he nurtures goodness.

It's Never Easy

2009-02-27T11:56:00.002-06:00

I have been working hard on my two classes worth of homework, my new job, and keeping my house in some semblence of order for the past month. Hence, I have not had much time to write. Do not worry, I am around and well. I will try to make updates as often as possible given my schedule. You will have to be patient with me. That is, if I have readers still. Comment if you're still here (seriously).

Meme Break

2009-01-28T16:22:00.002-06:00

I wrote the following meme for something else and decided I would post it on here to give people something to read. It is 25 random and little known or unusual facts/myths about myself. Feel free to copycat and do the meme with facts/myths about yourself.

1. My husband and I met and got to know one another as friends while he tutored me in college algebra.

2. I have a lot of dreams. No, seriously, I dream all night long and they are incredibly vivid dreams. My subconscious has it's own world with a town that is always the same every time I go through it. The movie theater in the town looks really odd.

3. I have been a fan of Kevin Sorbo ever since "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys." I did not watch the show, but I remember seeing Kevin on an interview where he tossed his head and did this ridiculous hair flip and then talked about how important it was to his image (his hair, not the show). I thought,"This man is funny." I think it would be a riot to meet him someday. Feel free to pass my info along if you happen to know Mr. Sorbo.

4. I have only had one cavity in one tooth ever.

5. I despise broccoli. I always have. I never eat it if I can help it.

6. When I was a kid I always wanted one of those goofy looking trolls with the long, spiked hair of vibrant colors.

7. I am fascinated by dollhouses and hope to build one someday.

8. I have tried many other flavors in latte, but hazelnut is still the best and the only one for me.

9. I believe that buying organic is a big, big consumer scam. Organic just means that something crapped on it and nobody cleaned it off.

10. My favorite historical figure is Ulysses S. Grant. When I was a child I thought he was incredibly brave. When I was a teenager I learned he was actually an alcoholic. Now that I have studied his life I have come to the conclusion that his story is not the story of how a man shaped history. It is the story of how history shaped a man's life. In a sense, it is everyone's story. We put a lot of emphasis on being a "world changer" and an individual. Instead we should pause to think about the history that has made us the way we are. That history was most often made by the little people and embodied by the heroes.

11. I have recently become a fan of Joss Whedon's "Angel."

12. Growing up my favorite books were the Redwall Series by Brian Jacques. I still read them and enjoy the air of familiarity they give me. I especially love the theme of a small creature (usually a mouse) learning to become confident in himself/herself and being heroic.

13. I am self conscious because I am thin -- believe it or not.

14. I love to keep up on scientific news. It's too bad journalism sucks so much these days.

15. Once when I was super-angry at life and the world and I had just got home from work Craig put on a Judas Priest song and I head-banged to the beat and waved the "devil's sign" in the air with both hands. It felt good.

16. I find that acquired tastes often become my favorite foods and beverages. For example, I like avocados, Swiss cheese, Earl Gray Tea, coffee, escargot, and beer -- but not all at the same time.

17. Plum sauce goes with almost everything. At least in my world it does.

18. I don't like to talk unless I am going to amaze everyone around me. This fact is probably not little known.

19. As a child it was my dearest wish to own a tape measure.

20. If you do not know who Gene Roddenberry is then you should find out because he sure as hell didn't have anything to do with Star Wars.

21. I wish that my cell phone was just a phone. I want no text messaging, no camera phone, no random games, no online capabilities. I just want a phone.

22. I could understand Shakespeare's plays when I was 12 years old.

23. Mayonnaise and Dijon mustard are my favorite condiments.

24. I used to be afraid of toilets.

25. I prefer the New American Standard translation of the Bible. It is a higher reading level, yet plain and literal.

Question Mark

2009-01-22T14:45:00.004-06:00

Every year I get a little excited about what movies/actors/actresses will end up on the Oscars nomination list. One of my favorite things to do is count how many of the movies on that list I have seen. For 2008 the sum total is three. I have only seen three Oscar worthy films this past year.

The first was Hellboy II: The Golden Army. It is a favorite of mine and was nominated for makeup. The second was The Dark Knight. Again, it was nominated mainly for technical awards. They had to wave a Best Supporting Actor at Heath Ledger, considering it was his last performance. I am going to take a guess and say they will not give that Oscar to him. The third movie on my list would be Kung Fu Panda.

All I can say about the Oscars situation this year is, well, question mark? It looks like your typical early 1990s lineup to me. *gasp* The '90s are back "in." My life has surely been ruined. Or, at least my theatre life for the next 4 years has been ruined. The only thing I will have the opportunity to see on the big screen are melodrmatic jerks prancing about offering heavy-handed messages of environmentalism and some sort of morality mutated from angst over and apologetics for them thar bigots out there who nobody knows. Smoking and using plastic bags to carry your groceries home are the only two evils we recognize as a society. (Aside: Germs are also problematic and let it be known that plastic bags keep many harmful germs off your food.) It's pretty tough to make those two evils into an interesting story.

I admit I do enjoy the previews for movies that I would never watch as well as the reviews. My favorite preview of the year was from Frost/Nixon. Was it just me, or did the actor portray Nixon as having a high-falutin' British accent? What kind of a joke is that? Nixon was about as far from pretentious as you can get. He was a crook who got caught -- unlike his predecessors who often were pretentious. Of course, I didn't see the movie. Neither do I plan to. And, for once, I may not even bother to watch the Oscars.

Edit: I just noticed that Iron Man was nominated for two technical awards. I did see Iron Man.

My Brains Are Smelly

2009-01-19T18:16:00.001-06:00

Math stinks. My brain has been steeped in math for the past several days. Therefore, my brains are smelly.

Yes, I started classes. It's going good.

Aside Note: I'm working on my post for the Neville Chamberlain Award. Do not worry, I would not forget to give out my favorite (and only) award of the year.

I Was Right

2009-01-17T13:24:00.002-06:00

David Cook was most definitely the right choice for American Idol last year. I am so happy with his music that I feel no compulsion to keep up on the show this year. I think I'll watch some of the early shows and then cut out. Anyway, I'm in school on Tuesdays which is much more fun to watch than the Wednesday show once the contestants get narrowed down.

I took my time getting David Cook's cd. It sounds great.

The Closing of the American Hospital

2009-01-12T15:49:00.003-06:00

I have been very interested in the health care crisis -- as it's being called -- for the past few years. Recently, the news has been grim. Doctors are quitting in droves especially emergency physicians. Of the doctors remaining many are unhappy with working conditions. Fewer people go to medical school to be doctors and many of them go into specialties instead of family or emergency medicine because the pay and hours are better. PAs and NPs tend to see more patients often than the M.D.s or D.O.s. In some practices it is common for patients never to speak to the real doctor. There are many reasons for these and other problems in our health care system. One reason being that you get what you pay for. When you force doctors to get the same pay (and sometimes no pay) no matter how well they do you're going to get a lot of doctors who would rather spend more time home with their families. Rising costs have not been met with the money necessary to ameliorate them -- unless you count the government wanting to borrow its brains out and institute socialized health care. It is interesting to read the solutions people come up with concerning what to do about medical care in the U.S. The fact is, things are likely to bottom out in the next ten years if something is not done. So, what should we do?

Well, here's the socialized medicine version and here's the free market idea. Think about it.

Life Changes

2009-01-10T12:54:00.004-06:00

I have taken a short break from blogging mainly because I had writer's block. I also had so much else on my mind that I did not have time for writing. The facts are that much has changed in me and for me over the past year. Most of the changes are too personal for me to discuss in this medium. However, some of the results of those changes can be explained.

Over the past week I have been super busy trying to find a job. I quit caring about the specifics as much. I just went out into the job-o-sphere and talked to people. I have never tried that before. I am shy, you see. Painfully shy. Years of homeschooling certainly did not help my social capacity. I've been looking for a job since September really. I had very little luck and very few interviews until this past week. Of course, I went with the same old, same old method of mailing my cover letter and resume in answer to help wanted ads. I made a few phone calls -- emphasis on few. No luck. Since I have always had trouble finding a job I assumed my normal stance of feeling like I was hitting my head against a brick wall.

Then I decided to start school again. I registered for two evening classes at a local community college and stepped up my job search work. Still nothing. I had an excellent interview, but was not chosen for the job. I kept trying. A week ago I realized that I had one week to find a job before classes start (they start Monday). That realization was kind of like a very bright light bulb in my head. One that quickly grew too warm and burst into flame. The deal was that I could not start school without a job to pay for the classes.

I hit the pavement on Monday and I went everywhere. I made sure I got to talk to managers at every place I went. I had on the spot interviews. It was a crazy week. Now I have two job prospects in my sights. On one I have been asked to come back for the second interview. On the other, let's just say it's very close to a slam dunk after the first interview.

Essentially, the thought that I might not be able to go back to school motivated me. I mean, I've been wanting to start school again for at least a year. The problem was I did not know what I wanted to do. Now, I still do not know for sure, but I am getting there. For me, the most important factor is that I am moving forward. After a year of thinking and months of not working I have things in place and I am moving forward again. I know it will not be easy. But this time I am not going to give up or choose a lesser destiny for myself than what I really want.

You're probably wondering what that last sentence means. Essentially, it means that I am no politician. I am glad I got my BA in political science, but it's not where I really want my life to go and it never was. I enjoy political thought, I do not enjoy practical, backstabbing politics. I will always be civic minded and active in my community. That's just who I am. On the other hand, I like to help people and I am going to find a career where I can be myself and help people without judging them or hating them.

Call Me Remiss

2008-12-30T21:24:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year's to all my friends and family. I promise I will get those cards sent out soon.

I have never been late to send out Christmas cards before and I hope never to be late again. This year has been interesting, long and somewhat difficult. I've spent a lot of time thinking and not much time writing. But do not worry. I will get back to regular blogging. Really, I will.

Out Of Touch

2008-12-23T18:45:00.002-06:00

I found this article about the media's response to religion to be enlightening and interesting. Perhaps that's because it is a more moderate view than the one often taken by evangelicals. The writer does not argue that the media hates God and religion. Rather, he argues that the media fails to understand the influence of religion in our society and dismisses it because they believe religion is quaint. It just got me thinking.

Such A Long Time

2008-12-10T20:06:00.003-06:00

This post is just an update with more intellectual stuff to follow (seriously).

1. I had a job interview a few days ago and it went well. For me, that's spectacular.

2. I did win NaNoWriMo with 60k words and counting. I plan to finish the draft.

3. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving visiting friends down south a ways.

4. Christmas is going to be a Grinch this year for me and mine. I only hope I can get gifts out to friends and family in January.

5. I continue looking for a job with a lot more focus than I have ever had before.

6. Happy Thanksgiving a little late.

7. It looks like I'll be taking a couple tough classes come January. I'm kind of excited to be moving on with that.

8. I was on CNN. Too cool.

9. Here an Obama, there an Obama, everywhere an Obama. Obama.

10. Why don't people remember Ebenezer Scrooge for his generosity after he redeemed himself?

In Theaters Near You

2008-11-23T11:37:00.004-06:00

I decided to post my inflammatory thoughts on the movie Twilight since I went to see it yesterday. I had no good reason to see this movie. I have not read the book . . . However, I am a fan of Buffy and Angel and other things of the vampiric fiction genre. Somewhat.

First, if you think Twilight is going to be anything like standard vampire fiction prepare to be disappointed. There is no garlic, holy water, stakes or coffins. In fact, it attempts to mock those ideas. I say attempts because while it did get many titters from the giggle squad (i.e. vast host of teenage girls), it was actually pretty lame in the jokes arena. Sometimes I think the giggle squad were laughing at things the rest of us did not notice. Not to criticize them. I was once a teenage girl and had impossible crushes -- Mr. Darcy -- and a need to giggle. Come to think of it, I only chuckled. Giggling is impossible for a female tenor unless I try to giggle in a falsetto. Back to the subject now. To add to the attempt to turn vampire fiction on its head our vampire -- Edward -- has shiny skin when he's in the sun. He calls himself a vegetarian because he only drinks blood from animals. Don't think too hard about that one. That's about as much background info as I can stomach to write.

Things I did not like about the movie were these:

-All of the characters were flat and impossible to know.
-It seemed the theme was a praise of obsessive love or obsession, yet the villain of the story also carried an obsession for the object of Edward's desire (Bella). Confusing? Methinks so.
-The conversations were interminable. I mean, interminable. If you look up interminable in a dictionary you will see a picture of Edward and Bella talking. Yawner.
-It m o v e d a s s l o w a s m o l a s s e s i n J a n u a r y.
-Cliche after cliche after cliche after cliche. I cannot begin to name all of the cliches.
-It was very predictable.
-Big, gaping plot holes. For example, Edward tells Bella that he can read minds, except for hers. He never explains why or even theorizes on that subject (despite the interminable conversations). Also, Edward tells Bella that he has been waiting for her for many years. The wtf of this moment is never clarified.

Things I did like:

-The soundtrack was beautiful and kept the movie flowing.
-The cinematography was gorgeous.
-The landscapes were beautiful.
-Damn good special effects for not being, well, special effects. They did not use any CG.
-It turned some of the vampire cliches on their heads in a humorous manner (by using other fantasy cliches unfortunately).
-It was enjoyable to watch but not intellectual enough for me.

In short, it's up to you if you want to see it. I am no fangirl, but I did not hate it.

Ways To Save #1

2008-11-18T16:14:00.002-06:00

I have decided to start a new series. I call it "Ways To Save." You know all about the poor economy right now. This is one of my small contributions to people who need to find ways to help with budgeting in these down times. So, here goes my first post.

You can save money if you do not buy vitamins. Read this. The neurologist writing makes the clear point that a healthy diet is all you need. Supplements do not do anything (except in specific cases which he describes) for the most part. Supplements are also freaking expensive. My recommendation: avoid them.

Note: Calcium is not mentioned in the article or the studies described and as far as I know it's a good idea to take calcium supplements if you're unable to have dairy (like me).

Every Hill

2008-11-12T15:20:00.003-06:00

You may have heard the phrase, "Some hills are not worth dying on." Maybe you haven't. Maybe somebody I know made it up. Either way, it's a good phrase -- unless you happen to find a hill worth dying on. For clarification's sake, you could also say that some things are not worth fighting for, or you should pick your battles. Or you could just say "Give up and lie down in the dust like a dog because you're not going to get anywhere with this one, okay." Some BS isn't worth hiding behind.

No, I'm not writing this to sound resentful and angry. Frankly, I am not angry. I am thoughtful. I spent the last year and a half holding onto a dream, a principle. For the first time in my political life I fought the losing battle in full knowledge of what I was doing. Most of the time I don't think other people understand that. That would explain why they tell me I will never win no matter how much I do. That would explain why they say that some hills aren't worth dying on or I should pick my battles. That would explain the shakes of their heads. It's not that I go around spouting off about my political beliefs all the time. It's rather that I have some misunderstood beliefs -- I almost said unpopular, but that's not true.

Let me tell you a story. In the winter of 2004 I interned at a congressional office in Washington, D.C. The man I worked for was one of the few true fiscal conservatives to get into office in 1994 and not change into a big spender. He really cared about the issue of spending cuts and smaller government. There was one issue in particular that he wanted to cut so as to reduce the budget. It was a pretty unpopular stance, but he took his stand. I was given the job of getting the word out to the press. This is not a glamorous job in case you were wondering. I spent hours proofreading press releases and painstakingly faxing them to all sorts of publications in the hope that some reporter would write an article about the issue. It worked. We actually did drum up more discussion of the issue than my congressman had in previous years -- so the legislative assistants told me.

The day of the vote arrived and the congressman I worked for was on the floor of the House debating all day. You would not believe the phone calls I had to listen to when all his constituents decided to watch C-Span at once because they had nothing better to do. I tried to watch some of the debates but missed them somewhere between talking with the old lady who just wanted to talk about decency on television (she heard the f-word at midnight) and the old guy from Alabama who claimed the CIA was populated by commies who were putting cameras in walls to watch us (as if we do anything of that much interest to a government agency). Anyway, the congressman was brilliant.

At the end of the day he came back from the vote and I asked him how it went. He told me the numbers. To my surprise his initiative lost big time. I mean, it was a huge vote against it. I was stunned. All those hours I had put in trying to get support and it was over without any fanfare and without even a decent vote in its favor. Everything I had done was for nothing. And I had never suspected for a moment that my congressman was going to lose.

After he went back to his office (busy, busy man) I asked one of the other staffers why the vote in our favor had been so low. "It's higher than it was in any previous year," she said. "We never expected to win this one, but we make it an issue every year. Maybe someday people will get the message."

That's when I learned the most valuable lesson I learned over that long semester in D.C. Sometimes you have to fight the losing battle and show your face to all the world as if you know you're winning. Why be bummed out and down about something that you care about? When you know you're right you should be happy about that. And when you show others that you are going to fight the good fight no matter the condescension around you then they can think of nothing more to do than shake their heads as if you're an idiot. But they will never feel the satisfaction that comes with knowing yourself to have done everything you could for a cause that was well worth losing to advance. Some things are bigger than a full ballot box. I'll take my stand on that hill.

Coming Up With Stuff

2008-11-08T18:27:00.002-06:00

I have lots to write about, but before I start my rants I think you should read this guy's words. Kind of inspiring, really. Take note of some of the comments afterward if you have the time.

I Predict

2008-11-05T09:56:00.001-06:00

By the end of 2009 every tax bracket will be facing a hike. Go ahead, bet against me. I'll take your money and send it to the government come tax time 2010.

The Vote Is In

2008-11-04T13:57:00.003-06:00

I voted this morning. It is my right to keep a secret of who I voted for. So, I will.

I have taken the tact of sitting back and watching this election. I still cannot predict the outcome and I am not going to try. It has been fun and somewhat depressing. Rest assured, this is a great country and we will get through no matter who our prez happens to be.

As for me and mine, well, let's just say the man in the White House does not decide whether I enjoy my life or not. So, I'm gonna go out there be happy and try something fun today.

Halloween Update

2008-11-04T13:50:00.003-06:00

We had about 25-30 kids come to our house on the night before Halloween -- I almost wrote Halloween . . .

Best joke:

Cute kid: "Why does Dracula drink blood?"
Me: "I don't know. Why?"
Cute kid: "Because champagne is too expensive."
Me: "Haha."

Worst joke (I heard this one twice):

Cute kid: "What is Dracula's favorite dog?"
Me: "I don't know."
Cute kid: "A bloodhound."
Me: "Oh, bad."

Cutest joker:

A tiny little girl dressed as a fairy: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Me: "I don't know. Why?" (Thinking she would have an original answer.)
TLGDAAF: "Because he wanted to get to the other side."
Me: "I thought you were going to say something different. Haha."

In all, I had a blast. When there were groups of kids each one would grasp my sleeve in turn and say in a very serious manner, "Can I tell you a joke?" or "I have a joke to tell you." They were very somber about the solemn duty of joke-telling. I gave them all good candy and lots of it.

I'm such a sucker. Kids are adorable. I did have a few teenagers come by as well. Fortunately, they had really good costumes so I rewarded them with candy.

What The Halloween?

2008-10-29T18:28:00.004-05:00

I learned recently that Iowan children do not go Trick or Treating on Halloween. No, they go crawling all over lawns begging for candy and telling dumb jokes the night before Halloween. Here we have an absolutely perfect week weatherwise and Halloween is on a Friday evening. Not even a school night. What more could you ask for?

I don't know. I'd like to ask the little beggars to stay away from my house while I'm trying to watch my Smallville. This season is a gem so far. A gem. But no, I'll have my tv on and I'll be handing out candy to small children with sticky fingers. Plus this is the flu season. Maybe I should dress up as a mad scientist and wear rubber gloves.

The other odd Iowan tradition is that children tell jokes instead of saying, "Trick or treat!" I thought this sounded like tons of fun. Until I found out that Iowans hand out candy the night before Halloween -- a Thursday this year. Now, I'm not cruel enough to shutter my windows and sit in the dark house all evening. Especially since I risk getting my house egged or saran-wrapped before morning . . . I'll give out the candy. No problemo. I think I'll take a page from my buddy Tracy's book, however. In short, I could give bad candy for the stupid jokes and good candy for the funny jokes.

I'll be going to the store tomorrow morning to get the candy. I guess I'll decide what to do for sure at that time.

One Word: Nanowrimo

2008-10-27T13:03:00.004-05:00

Next month is National Novel Writing Month. This will be my fourth year taking part in the illustrious endeavor to write 50,000 words of a novel in 30 days. This year I will be exploring the lives of amoral artificial intelligences as they accidentally destroy the fabric of the space-time continuum. Exciting? You bet. Strange, dark and psychologically disturbing? I guess I'll find out.

In my efforts to find a job I have come to the conclusion that this might be a bit of a lost cause. I mean, after all, the economy is in a slump and only the most experienced are getting hired. It puts a person in a bad mood. Especially since I have a lot of job experience and I can learn just about anything in a couple weeks -- with or without a [blank] for Dummies book.

Fortunately, November has become my favorite month of the year. It's almost here and it's sure to brighten my mood. Sometimes all you need is a little encouragement in something you do well. I write well. I love the exercise of creation. I get to start all over again on an entirely new work of fiction every November. I get to immortalize people in my life who have passed on or moved away. I get to control my own little universe. I get to write. Few things in life compare well to the writing high I get in November. It's difficult even to sleep because I am so happy I don't need as much sleep. I am always at my best in the most blah month of the year (things are just starting to get cold and nasty, you know).

My favorite part of Nanowrimo is the fact that the solitary act of writing has become a group sport. I write all month surrounded by other writers. It's like going through a battle together. We laugh, we cry, we get frustrated, we dance in triumph. All together. Nothing draws human beings together like the long journey of a shared trial. I am so excited to be doing this again.

Check In, Check Out

2008-10-23T17:55:00.001-05:00

I forgot to write about the third presidential debate. It was fun and funny. I'm still not voting for either of those guys though. It didn't change my mind one bit -- if you take into consideration that I have yet to make up my mind about the presidential election.

In the spirit of healthy political humor I would like you to check out this youtube re-cut of the first debate. Enjoy.

The Funny Thing Is . . .

2008-10-15T19:37:00.002-05:00

I remember a year ago people were telling me why I shouldn't care about the economy and why we didn't need a candidate who understood the economy. I was rooting for Ron Paul along with all the other crazies who know something about economics. I listened to so many people dismiss the economy as an unimportant issue. It's only a year later.

Ah, the irony.

Blame Feminism

2008-10-12T11:14:00.003-05:00

I am grateful to the feminist movement for paving the way for women in the workforce. If I couldn't go out of the home and work I'd be bored, angry and probably alone. I don't think anyone would want to be around me. My mind is just too active to be content at home. Feminism has benefited the treatment of women overall. Yet there is one area of the feminist movement that's a big pet peeve of mine.

This may sound shallow but I am an attractive woman. I am pretty, insightful, funny, and intelligent. I like to dress up without overdoing it. Nobody of the male sex ever tells me I look nice or have a cute top on or my necklace is pretty. At least, not unless I fish for the compliment and I don't do that because it's immature. People tend to laugh at my jokes (the less obscure ones). People seem to like me. So, that's all okay. When I am out in public I attract quite a few looks and some catcalls or comments from gross-looking alpha males -- and not gross-looking ones -- who I don't even know. This gets old. Really. Fast. On the one hand I am mildly flattered that they noticed I'm good looking. On the other I would prefer some respect. This may not sound like much of a dilemma, but hear me out.

It seems that in this crazy, mixed-up world it's okay for a man to make a gross sexual comment to an attractive woman. However, it is not okay for him to tell a female friend that she looks nice today or something more benign. This frustrates me to no end. I mean, not that I don't get enough compliments from Craig and not that my self-esteem depends entirely on my looks. But, you know, if I have to hear the offensive comments it would be nice to have them balanced with the thoughts of nice guys. I blame 1990s feminism for this problem. It was then that compliments became sexual harassment. Someone should have climbed up on a soapbox 15 years ago and reminded the world that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. The same goes for compliments.

Sleeper

2008-10-09T14:58:00.003-05:00

The second presidential debate was nothing more than a real yawner. I'm amazed I managed to watch the whole thing with only a few short zone-outs. My attention span must be a part of humankind's newest and greatest evolutionary advances. Here are my impressions:

1) Yawn. McCain seemed tired at first.
2) Yawn. Obama repeated himself constantly.
3) Yawn. McCain picked up some energy after the first half hour.
4) Would McCain stop accusing Obama and start explaining his own presidential vision.
5) Yawn. Would Obama stop talking? Please?
6) Yawn. Okay, McCain, finally, some detail. And a joke. Good. Make Tom Brokaw the butt of your first debate joke. I like it.
7) Yawn. Lots of softball questions. Obama likes to obfuscate, but I'm probably the only one who noticed that.
8) Yawn. Um, I think McCain won on foreign policy again. No knock-outs though. Double yawn.
9) "What don't you know and how will you learn it?" Yawn. Come on Tom, you can do better than that. How could you let a question like that into a serious matter like a presidential debate?
10) I watch presidential debates for entertainment. I actually felt like I wasted my time for the three laughs I got out of watching this one. Yawner.

My B-Day

2008-10-03T10:34:00.001-05:00

My birthday is today. Go me. I am turning 27. For the first time I am realizing that I am in my late twenties. So weird. Still, I want to experience every age and guess what? I get to experience every age. Time doesn't stop for any of us. Here's to a good birthday for me.

Me, At A Party, Sort Of

2008-10-02T13:16:00.003-05:00

So, I've told you how I drive my car in the snow. I am darn good at that. I know all the tricks of the trade. For example, shift into neutral if you're trying to stop and you start to slide ominously close to the rear end of the car in front of you. The wheels will stop turning and believe it or not you will stop. Note: this trick does not always work with 100% success; once I had to shift into neutral and steer into a snowbank on the curb to avoid rearending someone. Not to digress. Okay, wait for it . . . I have never told you about how I am at a party.

I don't really go to parties. That's probably the main reason I don't talk about going to parties. Did you know that in my entire college career I never attended a party? Did you further know that I have never been intoxicated from alcohol use? Did you further know that one of my friends used to tell me I had obviously escaped from a nursing home and had some really good plastic surgery done to make myself look younger? Okay, so, one of those lines is only half true, but I'm not going to tell you which one. Suffice it to say if you ever find me at a party I will have to put the blame on quantum tunneling. I would never knowingly go into a situation like that.

So, I was going to say, since I am a social oddity I don't do too well at large events with lots of people. Recently, I attended a church picnic with my husband. It was fun until I decided to tell a joke. Our new vicar from church was leading a short devotional to close the evening's festivities. He asked a simple question: "What is the meaning of life?" I responded by shouting -- twice, because nobody got it the first time -- "42!" Of course, nobody got it the second time either. Then one person started laughing and confirmed that no, Esther is not crazy, she's just the queen of obscure references.

Boy, I felt stupid. Yeah, I'm here all week. I don't even need alcohol to make jokes like that.

The Obligatory Presidential Debate Post

2008-09-30T13:03:00.002-05:00

Okay, okay. Nobody has said anything about this, but I know you're all dying to hear me discuss the first presidential debate which took place this past Friday. Here are my thoughts:

1) Obama got his ideas about the economy and the financial crisis across better than McCain.
2) McCain actually answered the question about what he would cut in light of the -- now failed -- $700 billion bailout.
3) Obama needs to memorize the name on his bracelet or not wear the thing.
4) McCain pretty much blasted Obama over the idea of talking with rogue nations "without preconditions."
5) But Obama did hold his own. No great gaffs.
6) Obama really is a Marxist.
7) McCain is not a Republican. Seriously.

Who do I plan to vote for? I don't know. It's a quandary for an old school Republican with libertarian leanings like me.

Now I Get It Part 2

2008-09-30T12:38:00.002-05:00

I would like to finish my thought from the previous post. I watched the first two seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Hulu.com. At first I thought it was cheesy because it had the typical good vs. evil fantasy element going on. There was the Chosen One: Buffy. She had her mortal and completely evil enemy: the Master and company. All the vampires wanted nothing more than to destroy humanity so they could have their "old earth" back. Every few episodes we got what I like to call a "monster of the week." In short, some random character who would likely never show up again came into the show to kill off a few people and then get slaughtered by Buffy. It was always the same. You knew who the bad character was within the first ten minutes of the show. Believe me, I am good at sniffing these things out. The excellent horror elements and cinematography kept me watching through most of the first season.

Then I saw the episode entitled "The Puppet Show." I thought it was a monster of the week episode and it was obvious who the bad guy was: the live puppet. Like, duh. Lo and behold, Joss Whedon surprised me. The puppet character was a good guy. I won't give anymore info away, but that episode kept me watching into the second season. At that point the characters began to develop. The Buffy and Angel relationship became extremely interesting. Then Spike (played by James Marsters) showed up. And here, for once, was a vampire who didn't want to destroy humanity. Finally, I saw Joss Whedon's brilliance come to fruition.

You see, despite some of the cliche, Whedon does manage to make likable, intricate characters. Their dilemmas are not just melodrama. It may take a while to see that (e.g. Buffy's feelings about not wanting to be the Chosen One). But the complexity does show up and when it does it is worth the wait. The humor was a bit forced in the first season, but in the second it makes me laugh at almost every joke. The show can be so irreverent. I love it. At first I said I would never buy any Buffy. Now, I might. I would also like to watch Joss Whedon's Angel. And, frankly, I have a better appreciation for Firefly and Serenity. At the same time, those last two pieces of Whedon's creativity needed more time for development. Great concept, not enough time to discover anything more than the intrigue of the ideas.

I like substance in story telling. I would say Joss Whedon has that. It just takes him a little time to get comfortable with his creations. That's why Firefly got cancelled. That and it should have been aired on the sci-fi channel not Fox.

Now I Get It Part 1

2008-09-22T18:01:00.005-05:00

I have often wondered why so many people adore everything in television or cinema which Joss Whedon had anything to do with. Many of my friends and acquaintances were big Buffy and Angel fans back in the day. They probably still are. Then there is Firefly and Serenity. People attend conventions dedicated solely to the Firefly universe. Yeah, I enjoyed the series when I watched it. It had excellent characters and concepts. It was intriguing and scary. But, you know, I can only watch the same 14 episodes so many times before I have to put them on hold for a while. The problem with Firefly is that it didn't pick up. It's a cult classic. I repeat, cult classic.

Up until recently Firefly and Serenity were my complete exposure to the mind of Joss Whedon. I saw two episodes of Buffy when I was a sophmore in college. They were from the first season and I didn't care for it that much. Recently a friend of mine mentioned Hulu.com as a good place to watch tv for free. I'm a sucker for cheap tv and movies -- no money spent on cable or direct tv here. I watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on the site. It is amazingly well written and surprisingly poignant for a comedy short. Intrigued I decided to check out some Buffy. I pushed through the first few episodes which were mildly entertaining. You know, that show really picked up in the second season. I find myself caught up in it. I might have to rent or buy more seasons (only two are on Hulu).

I always try to avoid going in for fads. Hence, I waited until J.K. Rowling had written the 6th Harry Potter book before I read any of them. Of course, I didn't like them, so I turned out to be correct about that fad -- I think. With Joss Whedon's stuff I might have been wrong to ignore the fad. I enjoy a good story and he is a good storyteller.

Still, the discovery of a good story -- even one that's been around a while -- is never lost on me. I see my opportunity and I am taking it.

Face To Face

2008-09-16T15:53:00.004-05:00

Today I would like to take some time to mock the internet. Yes, that's me. I utilize the world wide web for information gathering, email, and blogging. I even made a friend online. Now I'm gonna sit here and diss part of my world. I see the irony and I know how easy it is to pick on technology. However, there are certain things for which the internet is a poor substute: i.e. friendship.

I have moved three times in the past 3 years. Albeit the third move was five miles away from the place I lived after the second move. It still requires new habits. For example, I don't get to go to the laundromat anymore with my overloaded bags of dirty clothes. I started chatting with one girl who worked there. I mean, we weren't friends or anything, but she was pleasant and interesting. I enjoyed getting to say a few words. I enjoyed going to get my coffee while she kept half an eye on my stuff. Now I do laundry at home alone. It's convenient. Plus my washer and dryer work much better than their coin-operated counterparts. Yet it feels like I am missing something. I am missing face to face contact. The grocery store is the same story. I decided to do my shopping at the store where I used to go. It's only five miles. Sometimes the managers will open up another check-out lane just for me. The guy at the meat counter always knows what I am going to get before I ask. No, I don't have deep conversations. Yes, I do get treated like some kind of VIP and I have an excuse for human contact.

I am not a total loser. Sorry to burst your bubble. I do make friends rather easily despite my shyness. I enjoy the company of almost everyone I meet. Even the people I dislike I can learn to accept. My nature is to find the good in people. People are interesting and unique. They are fun to watch and even more fun to interact with -- I sound like an a.i. or something . . .

The online community can be a lot of fun too. I get a kick out of reading humorous blogs. I read a lot of news and editorials. I like to read comment threads in people's blog posts and watch the back and forth. Still, something is missing. I find myself wondering, what do these people look like? What facial expression might this blog author have had when he or she wrote that post? Wouldn't it be more entertaining to have an entire conversation with somebody or several somebodies? I know there is a lot to the virtual world. Blogging alone can include video, audio or written word. Then there are webcams and those are very useful if a loved one is far away.

All these innovations still miss the face to face discussion. The enjoyment of being in the presence of a friend cannot exist in the virtual medium. Internet just can't take the place of real people and real places. Furthermore, I do better with my blogging when I am having real experiences and hanging with my real friends -- no offense to you computer people -- then when I am isolated and get most of my daily interactions reading stuff online. So, I guess this was my long-winded way of telling you all to quit reading my blather and go make a friend.

Here I Am

2008-09-15T21:03:00.002-05:00

I am such a bum. Again. I know. I tried to swear off my bum-hood about a year ago. But it came back. I guess I will have to start working on that again.

I quit my job as many of you know. Now I am in the process of not only getting a new one, but figuring out what it is I really want to do for a career. So far it's looking like I might go back to school. I am not sure. I am tired of analyzing and analyzing.

That's me. I always analyze everything. I take my good old time. I sleep on it. Then I think about it all day. Then I sleep on it again. There are factors I know I need to consider that I have not considered. I have to keep thinking. Eventually the path will become clear.

No, it won't. The truth is, sometimes you have to make a decision based on how well you know yourself and your interests. Nobody can make that decision for me. I need to take a step forward. But that would mean I have to stop analyzing and start doing. That's scary. Freaking scary.

Someone once said (I paraphrase) that if you think something through carefully enough the answer will become clear. Whomever that was I wish he or she had not said that. It is good to think things through. But frankly, thinking just leads to more thinking. Thinking is not what I really need to do in terms of getting a new career. At least, not at the moment.

My First

2008-09-06T19:39:00.003-05:00

Craig and I are in our new house. I have already got used to it. I feel like I'm home. Finally. To stay. I don't want to move away from this town. I know we will outgrow this beautiful house someday. It is the perfect first home. Perfect. It has two bedrooms of decent size, one and a half bathrooms, a very large living room, a formal dining room, and the friendliest kitchen you can imagine. Everyone who has come into this place has seen its potential. It's just adorable.

The move was interesting. We didn't get a moving truck because a) we didn't have much furniture to move and b) we had to move in the evenings after Craig got off work. Many of our friends in the area came and helped us move stuff into the house. I didn't realize how many friends I had until we found ourselves in a bit of a pinch here. They just came out of the woodwork to help. We got out of our nasty, centipede apartment with the moronic, upstairs neighbors a little over a week ago. I feel so free.

There were few mishaps despite the abnormal nature of the move itself. One of the mishaps included the loss of about 65% of our fine china. The good news is it's a replaceable pattern and you can find good deals on it online.

I spent our first few days in the house catching up on my sleep. That is, after several of my family members stopped by and after we drove to Kansas and back for a wedding. Busy, busy, busy. I am finally breathing a sigh of relief and getting back to the job hunt. Oh, didn't you know? I quit my job. It was a good idea. I am going to find a job that will lead me on my chosen career path. Not quite sure what that is yet, but I have some ideas.

Today we made our first furniture purchase for the house. A desk chair. This is not just any desk chair. It's all leather and it has a high back and it swivels and it can be raised and lowered. It's cool. I got it for super cheap at a consignment shop. A consignment shop that is pretty, darn close to my new house. I love this town. Oh yeah.

MIA

2008-08-25T17:10:00.001-05:00

I am moving to my new house. I have the keys. Yes, that is way cool.

However, I am also rather quiet on the blog front as consequence of the move. I will write when I can. And if I live through this. I am so tired.

Back to work now.

One Small Step

2008-08-09T13:36:00.003-05:00

I have decided to embrace the fact that I am an intellectual and not an academic (I'll define the differences between those words in a later post). No more time spent wondering why my grades didn't add up to my intelligence. It is time to stop wishing I was like everyone else (everyone "normal"). The time has come to face one of the ways in which I define myself.

If you have kept up with me at all then you have probably noticed the number of posts lately that suggest I am searching for something. Seeking is my theme of late. I have spent the last several months on a journey to understand my direction in life. It would have been nice to have discerned my place in the world a long time ago. However, I was not raised in a way that helped me come to terms with my talents and potential. For example, I mentioned I am an intellectual. There are many circles where it is not a good thing to be an intellectual. One of them often happens to be Protestant Christianity in the Midwestern United States. The herd mentality infiltrates all parts of society. In evangelical Christianity it encourages a certain reliance on experience rather than rational thought. Unless you're a Calvinist, that is. Then it encourages an arrogance about why no one else can understand how deep you are.

I was raised in a Reformed (i.e. Calvinist) church for a time then moved on to a less intellectual place. I was taught to disagree with Calvinists. Believe me, I have argued with the best of them from a very tender age. Anymore I just won't talk about the Calvinist idea of "predestination." Yet it shaped so much of my understanding of faith. You see I was taught to consider the intellectual Christians to be wrong and theology to be unnecessary. I learned to feel disgust toward those who consider or question the Bible's teachings in a non-dogmatic manner. You're just not supposed to do that as an evangelical -- it is shameful. Instead you just go out there, tell your story, knock on your doors, leave your tracts in restrooms, and get offended. When someone asks you to defend your faith you say, "But I found God in this way . . ."

Well, that's not good enough for some of us. Especially those of us who notice other possible reasons for quote unquote religious experiences. What if all that laughing and falling down were a psychologically induced response and not caused by the Holy Spirit? I know. I blaspheme. People always tell me not to "limit" God when I say things like this. I ask you, why doesn't it limit God to assume that you will always have an emotional high when you worship him? What about the days when he just feels far away? Am I supposed to interpret God based solely on my feelings about him? Some days I almost hate God. Some days I want to ask him a thousand angry questions. I am not Job. I cannot accept all of my sufferings without wondering how God could love me and let me go through some of the things I have been through.

Am I weak in my faith because I doubt God at times? Well, yeah. I'm only human after all. I recognize that I am finite. I have a strong intellect, but not infallible wisdom. Some things I do have to take on faith either because they are too big for the human mind or because I do not have enough knowledge to understand them. That is no easy task for a person who likes to be right.

It is okay. I accept that I am an intellectual about my faith, my life, my God. About the people around me and the ideas they espouse. It's not an evil thing to doubt and question. God gave me a brain, after all. Why should I be ashamed to use it? Perhaps he gave me a brain so I could weigh the evidence for and against his existence. So I could consider the logic of his judgments and actions. If so then he also gave me faith and hope. He gave me the need to rely on something bigger than myself. Myself can be a bit of a mess sometimes, after all.

Writing Around

2008-08-04T09:23:00.002-05:00

I guest blogged here and here today. They're on the same blog, of course. I wrote my thoughts on who will win the presidential election in my current state (Iowa) and the state where I grew up (Michigan). Go read if you like

No, I am not endorsing a candidate with my comments. Just writing as I see it.

Snake Oil

2008-08-04T09:21:00.001-05:00

So, apparently snake oil sales are back in vogue under a different name. They're called herbal supplements. Buyer beware.

Whoa.

2008-07-30T16:39:00.001-05:00

Craig and I officially became homeowners last week on Friday. Like, whoa. I'm not sure what to say. I really like my new house. I can't move in until mid-August. But it's still my house.

Send on the housewarming gifts!

Will The Real Joker Please Stand Up

2008-07-19T20:00:00.003-05:00

I take it back. A while ago I was horrified that Heath Ledger was going to play the Joker in the new Batman flick. You see, I am a purist. I expect an exceptional person to play the Joker. His character is the most complex and well done villain in comics -- my personal opinion. I worry that an unworthy actor would make a mess out of the character. Let me list some actors who I think would do a bad job as the Joker: Johnny Depp, Anthony Hopkins (even when he was young), Ben Kingsley, and Daniel Day-Lewis. Essentially, I didn't think anyone could play the Joker and do him justice.

Boy, was I wrong. I am always willing to admit when I discover that I am wrong. First, of course, I have to discover that I'm wrong, then I'll admit. Heath Ledger (RIP) made the best Joker ever set to film. I eat my words now. The Joker he played was very much as I would think he would be if he were a real person. He lies constantly, his ideas are bizarre, grotesque, crazy and random. He is the extreme of Batman's madness and the perfect enemy for the Dark Knight. He is a force of nature -- a stroke of genius. As a comics partial geek I was impressed.

It's nice to have a film director take Batman seriously for a change. That's what Christopher Nolan has done in these two movies. I am sad that he will have to recast the Joker for the next movie. He may not find someone who can play the part so well as Ledger did. On the other hand, I hope he does put the Joker in the next movie. The Joker is as necessary to Batman as the cape and the batarangs. The Dark Knight is truly the best in the franchise so far. They didn't eliminate the Joker nor go into a lengthy origin story for him. I think it was a wise move and I've got my eye out for what Nolan will do next. If he destroys the Penguin like that idiot Tim Burton (I consider Batman Returns to be Burton's greatest cinematic error) I'm gonna have a few choice words for him. . .

Anyways. Go see the movie. It's worth it.

A Different Perspective

2008-07-15T10:23:00.002-05:00

The combination of politics and psychology in this psychiatrist's opinion fascinates me. I have long wondered about the public hatred for GWB. Not that I approve of much of his actions as president. However, I have legitimate complaints. I don't sit around talking about how he looks like a monkey. Nor do I actually hate him. I merely disagree with some of his policies. As a young voter I also have enough memory to know that a lot of Bush's actions gain precedent from the actions of his predecessors (Reagan, Bush the elder, Clinton) believe it or not.

Of course, the articles talks about a lot more than the general animosity against George W. Bush. It's quite interesting even if I don't understand all of it.

What Does This Mean?

2008-07-12T10:18:00.003-05:00

As I kid I was taught that I have a destiny and I am going to fulfill that someday. It's a rather simplistic notion as I look back upon it. I never questioned the idea. Frankly, I doubt a lot of kids would question such a notion. You lean on adults to tell you how the world is. If they tell you the world is what it is not, well, who are you to know the difference? The more I think about it, however, the more I believe the destiny doctrine -- I coin the phrase -- is both naive and destructive. It places an expectation in a person that one should wait for the appropriate moment to react to a particular event. An event that you will somehow recognize because God is going to shoot down a light from heaven to let you know about it. Or something like that. Not that God cannot come and get you if you walk away from your calling. I am not contradicting that idea. There are far too many biblical examples for me to knock down the fact that God does call people to specific purposes.

However, not everybody gets a burning bush. You might notice that the people who get those moments are the most reactive rather than proactive people in the whole Bible. I mean, look at Moses. He tried to help his brethren, ended up committing murder, tried to cover it up, and ran off into the desert to hide from it. He had no plans to return and rescue his people. How do you get through to someone who reacts to his calling with fear? Burn a bush and yell at him. Sounds good to me.

On the other hand, consider Jesus's parable of the talents. Nowhere does it say the master explained in excruciating detail what each servant should do with his money. It just says he gave them the money and went on a journey. He expected them to use the money to produce more money. Maybe the idea of an explicit destiny is incorrect. A calling is different from an absolute destiny. A calling allows for free will. Destiny doctrine is fatalistic. It even suggests you cannot accomplish your work until you receive that explicit voice of God. It does not take into account that things change as you live your life. If you go along waiting for that epiphany I doubt it will ever come. You have to make a decision to follow a dream. You have to develop yourself and continue to make positive changes. You cannot hide away expecting your opportunities to walk up to you and ask if you are ready to join the game. Destiny doctrine is a rigid teaching that I have heard at many evangelical churches. I think it's a human response to a human idea. We want to believe that our lives have a purpose. Yes, they do. But it's okay to make that purpose happen.

In the end I am talking about myself here. I have taken a circuitous route to reach the place where I am. The truth is, I will never have a fulfilled life until I make the decision to pursue the interests that I really enjoy. I will never be content until I give up the idea that somewhere out there my fate is waiting to grab me by the throat and pull me into the right path. Frankly, I need to remind myself that proactive is better than reactive. One might say, proactive is the new reactive -- for me, at least.

Citizens Of Blank

2008-07-04T16:08:00.007-05:00

One of my college professors used to give short soliloquies on how we should not identify ourselves as citizens of any particular nation. He said we should be "citizens of the world." I remember thinking, "What does that even mean?" every time he said that. My student evaluations reflected my confusion on the subject. As I ruminate, I remember that the idea of being a "citizen of the world" and not of any one particular country has become old hat. At least, since I was a kid. The term itself is so vague that I do not think I can actually define it in a blog post. I can, however, diss it to my heart's content.

I am not here to point out why any particular country is better than any other country. I like my country best because it's where I was born. I am a part of my nation. I am invested in its political process, its laws, and its people. I speak the language primarily spoken here. I discuss and debate values based upon a common upbringing with those around me. In some senses, my childhood was not very common. I do not understand the desire to go out and make another country's culture into my own culture. This has become a popular practice of late. I am not sure why; although, Allen Bloom had a lot to say about that. I am interested in learning about other cultures. Sometimes other cultures annoy me -- I notice only the children of Mexican descent trying to sit on my parked car when I look out the window, for example. Sometimes my own culture annoys me -- hugs are practically illegal here. At the same time, I respect other cultures for what they are and only make value judgments based on obvious moral wrongs (e.g. human sacrifice). I also appreciate many of the distinctly American notions that we bat around on an everyday basis.

One of the things I love about my nation is private property laws. In the U.S. we get a lot of crap thrown at us for being "materialistic." But that is part of what we are. Frankly, we started this country because we got fed up with paying taxes. We like our stuff and we don't like other people trying to take it away from us. That's not really a problem. I mean, buying a house is a right of passage to adulthood. I'm fine with that. I just bought a home and will move into it within the next two months. I'm stoked. I plan to make sure it's secure and well maintained. You know why? Because it's my house. My own property. It's important to me.

That's really the bottom line of why I care about the country where I was born and the place I have made for myself in my own community. It is mine. I have moved from place to place a lot. I have finally found a good place to call my home. I like it because it belongs to me. I want to make my community a better place because it's a part of my life. I appreciate many things about my country including the rule of law and the right to vote.

Today was chosen to be a day of remembrance and celebration. It's not a day to remember all the things I hate about my country or all the horrible things my government has done. It's a day to remember what I value about my country and why I will continue to work for its betterment. It's a day to remember that I am a citizen of the United States of America and that does have meaning. It gives me a sense of identity that being a "world citizen" never could. I know who I am based partly on the fact that I live in this place and I comply with its rules. I try to change the rules I disagree with, yes. And I appreciate the fact that I am free to work against the laws that disrupt my moral code. I appreciate the fact that I can go out and suggest everybody vote for a guy just because I agree with his principles -- and even though I always knew he would never win. I really love my country.

I am not a citizen of meaninglessness. I am a citizen of the US. Now, for some fireworks . . .

Return To Daily Grind

2008-06-29T20:14:00.004-05:00

So, my husband and I took a vacation this week. I was away from internet access for 6 days give or take a few hours. Pretty cool. We had a wonderful time. Now I'm back. So, I'm off to unpack stuff. Have a good evening.

Happy Anniversary To Me

2008-06-24T06:59:00.002-05:00

Today is mine and Craig's third anniversary. It's a beautiful day even if it rains. I am going to spend the whole day with my husband. So you won't hear more from me for now.

Awkward . . .

2008-06-19T20:12:00.004-05:00

So, this morning I was in the shower and I heard some loud thumps. I didn't think anything of the noise because our upstairs neighbors are about the loudest people you can imagine. They walk around like elephants, have screaming, yelling fistfights in the middle of the night and sometimes drop articles of clothing onto our deck. Naturally I assumed the thumps came from above me. After I finished my shower and toweled off I realized that there were some noises coming from inside my apartment. Scary. I knew that maintenance might send in a crew to patch up a plaster hole in our ceiling. I hoped that the intruder would be just one small immigrant being paid to do a job that Americans won't do. Several small immigrants laughing at the unprepared resident and speaking a language I don't know would have been a bit too much. I was wondering if I should peek out of the bathroom or just wait until the person was gone.

Then it occurred to me that if someone was robbing my apartment I would not want them to find me naked in the bathroom on their way through to check the medicine cabinet for controlled substances. I had brought my pajamas with me into the bathroom -- no I don't always do that. So, I got dressed in the pjs quickly and opened the door.

It was just the dumbest evar maintenance guy patching the plaster on our ceiling. Any of the other maintenance guys would have noticed the sound of the shower running and come back later. I had been all set to say, "What the hell are you doing in my apartment?!" With outrage. But seeing that young idiot all I could muster was a confused, "Hello?"

Yes, he apologized, claimed he thought no one was home, and finished quickly. Then he left. Yeah. Awkward.

Pick Your Friends

2008-06-16T10:09:00.003-05:00

Life outside of school is very different. There are bills to pay -- including loans that were once deferred. Logistics to determine. Vacations to plan. You have to take care of your property. You always have to provide your own meals. Luckily for me I would rather eat cooked crickets than go back to cafeteria food. You also have to plan stuff to do because you're not always studying. Another major difference between college/highschool and "real life" is the making of friends.

In college we were all alone and knew no one. We were always looking for friends. Plus, we were always around one another. We would go hang out at midnight or start a movie at 2am and it was just fine. School is a whole different world from where I am now. Now I have to make the effort to get to know people. I have to make a conscious effort. When I am around new friends I have to tell myself, "Esther, you need to ask them questions and listen." Not that I am a bad listener. I am just used to friendships that flow along like a river. Outside of school friendships are more like climbing a mountain.

For other people this might not be so difficult. But I didn't learn to make friends until I was in highschool and then it was a crash course. I was homeschooled. Yeah, I got "socialized" some. But the whole bit about exerting myself to befriend other kids never really came up. Studies were always the most important thing. Frankly, studies are somewhat useless if you can't deal with people on a regular basis. Just my opinion. I recently realized that I have never taken matters into my own hands to seek and pursue a friendship since my freshman year of college. And that was the only time I ever did that. I kept all those friends -- which is great. However, I only got to know people other than those few close friends on a superficial level.

Yeah, I had a few people who were proactive in their friendships toward me outside of school when I was younger. Without going into detail let's just say those friendships did not always end well. At this point in time I prefer to be the initiator. Why? Because I know what I am looking for. Because I have good judgment of people. I trust myself more than I trust others. My friends don't have to be just like me. They do have to be people who give back into a friendship in a positive way. At my age, it's really strange to be having to put myself through a whole new education. But that's how it goes. I never learned to make friends in an environment where people other than myself already had all the friends they needed. Now I have a lot to learn. Lucky for me I am a very fast learner.

The World Turns

2008-06-13T10:23:00.005-05:00

Craig and I finally have a house. Yes, to friends and family, I will send photos as soon as I get myself motivated. Move in will not be until August, most likely.

I do live in an area of Iowa where we have had flooding nearby. I am safe and okay. I live above the flood levels.

Ron Paul has ended his presidential bid. However, there are more things to come. Updates on that later. I will be changing some of my blog to reflect RP dropping from the race.

J'onn J'onz died in a recent DC Comics story arc. I am pretty darn ticked and very sad. Martian Manhunter was/is my all time favorite superhero. They had better bring him back from the dead soon. That's all I have to say. I am now going to put that into a strongly worded letter and mail it to DC Comics.

Not In Control

2008-05-30T18:39:00.003-05:00

If you know me well then you know I hate not being in control of my own situation. Of course, probably very few people know that. I generally hide that fact. It's a fear thing. How many of us run around proclaiming our fears to others? Ha, just me and I know it's probably a bad idea.

So, today I was driving to work. I was watching far ahead of myself and traveling toward a green light. I suddenly realized the car in front of me had stopped. I braked. I stopped in plenty of time with almost a whole car length between me and the stopped vehicle. I am not a tailgater. Woot for defensive driving tactics. Anyway, I thought it was strange that so many cars were lined up behind a green light not moving. I checked my mirror and saw that the car behind me had managed to stop as well. I thanked my lucky stars. Suddenly I heard a crunching sound behind me. My car was still, but the crunching sounded loud. I looked in my mirror again and saw that three cars back some idiot had not been able to stop in time. He rear-ended the next car which rear-ended the car behind me. Which was coming straight at me. I quickly moved forward to give the guy room. Lucky again. I didn't get hit. Traffic started moving. I thought about stopping even though I was one minute late to work. I saw a cop pulling over to the accident. Plus all three cars were pulling onto the side of the road to get out of the way of traffic. I guess nobody could have been too hurt.

It was weird. I've been very shook up all day. It just reminded me of how little control I have over people around me. My reflexes are good. But I always think there will come a time when they won't be good enough. Or maybe, when I'll be the car right in front of the idiot who couldn't stop. I have always been able to avoid car accidents -- lessened the impact of the one I was actually in by acting quickly. What will I do when I can't stop something like that from happening? Knowing me I will replay it in my head until I become OCD about the fact that I couldn't do anything to prevent it. I'm like Superman or something . . .

All Good Things Must Be Remembered

2008-05-27T19:09:00.004-05:00

I dedicate this post to my blogging buddy Little Cicero. In three days his blog will expire (according to his statement, not mine).

LC, as I call him, has been a worthy blog friend for several years now. I still remember his first comment on my blog. I remember laughing at it. After a couple more similar comments I began to think I would never be rid of this annoying, highschool boy. Perhaps because I am too nice a person, perhaps because I attempt to see the good points in everyone -- I don't know -- I linked to LC's blog. I kept up with his writings and commented. I never directly said anything insulting. Over time I began to realize that my first impression of LC's comment missed the story by a lot. Yes, he is young. Yes, he has no problems with self confidence. However, he is also a very thoughtful young man with a pretty good head on his shoulders. LC is always willing to listen to the opinions of others. But he doesn't change his mind with every comment from a passer-by. He holds to his convictions. He argues in favor of them. He modifies them at times. He is a worthy writer. He puts his heart into his writings whether they are correct or not.

I am sorry to see him go. Very sorry. I know, he's still going to be around reading and lurking. But I will miss his writings on his own blog. I will miss his philosophy rants even though I generally disagree with them. I will miss his jokes. I will miss the long comment arguments he managed to spark from time to time. I have known few people as thoughtful and introspective as LC. I appreciate his sensitivity to his readers even when they are morons. I predict one day he will be someone great. Maybe not well known -- in anything other than a George Bailey sort of way -- but he will definitely give back to his community and world.

Here's to you my fine friend. *raises glass* Only you can't have any, you're not old enough to drink.

My 25% Latino Makes All The Difference

2008-05-26T10:21:00.002-05:00

I just discovered this blog about Stuff White People Like. I have not been so amused in a long time. It's all so true and so hilarious. I am reminded of many of my white acquaintances at the very white college I attended. I guess I fall into the category of the "wrong kind of white people." Because I only like a few things on the blog and for totally different reasons than those given.

I Was Wrong

2008-05-21T21:06:00.001-05:00

. . . and I'm not upset about that. David Cook is 2008's American Idol. So totally awesome.

I Predict The Finale

2008-05-21T10:45:00.003-05:00

I think that David Archuleta will win American Idol this year. Why? Because he's a baby-faced 17 year old who appeals to all the teenage girls out there. Besides that he's a little emo and has a gorgeous voice. He's just the right kid at the right time. Personally I find his performances somewhat painful to watch. He always looks like he's about to choke or collapse because he is so dang nervous. He does always hit the notes spot on, I'll give him that. After each performance I wait for him to say something about "world peace" or "people who are worse off." He's like a little blue-eyed, bleeding-heart broken record -- plus he cries on stage after every performance. Not that I have anything against people who care about such issues. I care about things like that. I am not dumb enough to think one person singing a song is going to change much, however. And little David is. He just works well in an appearance oriented world on an appearance oriented television show (to which I admit I am addicted).

If things went my way David Cook would win. I doubt that will happen. He's already a rockstar as far as I can tell. He is comfortable with himself and comfortable on stage. He has a versatile voice. He can sing off-key and it sounds beautiful. David Cook has the harder, grittier, bluesier side to rock music down pat. His performances are mesmerizing because he never goofs up. Sometimes he picks a crappy song. Sometimes he seems a little arrogant. But he puts every foot in the right place and every facial expression works. Cook has only cried once and it was after one of his more stunning performances. He is always sincere and he likes to change things up, try new things and take risks. That's how he made it to the top two. He knows himself well and will take the risks necessary to prove that. I don't think he has any vague ideas about what he's doing. He is having fun rocking out and he's got personality to boot. I think that if he loses tonight -- and he will -- he will have a recording contract underway in no time. I would totally go to his concert. I'll buy his cd. I can't say the same for his opponent (about the concert and cd, not the recording contract).

So, you know what I'll be doing this evening. What are your plans?

I Have To Write A Blog Post

2008-05-18T11:31:00.002-05:00

I have been working on a thoughtful post for several days. Here's hoping I finish it sometime soon and post it. In the meantime let me fill you in on how my life is going.

I am still waiting for the stupid bank to sell me the house I want. They take forever and a day.

I am reading that book "What Color Is Your Parachute?" and doing all the exercises. I decided it's time I figure out what I want to be now that I'm all grown up. Jumping from job idea to job idea just isn't working for me. I want to figure out what will keep my interest for at least 10 or 15 years. So, I'm doing a lot of thinking and processing. I have been thinking about grad school for a while. But I really want to take a step back and make sure that's where I want to go. The only problem with this process is the time it takes. I have the patience of Job when it comes to everyone else, but not for myself. Far too much of a perfectionist, I guess.

I am reading John Scalzi's "The Android's Dream" and it is funny.

In Smallville news the season finale was this past week. Guess what! Lana's gone! I have never been happier. She exited Clark's life. It was actually kind of sad and anticlimactic the way they broke up. I had always wanted her to get eaten by a White Martian. So much for dreams coming true . . .

Election what? I don't know what you're talking about? I haven't been keeping up because I have no interest in any of the candidates. Also, wtf is John McCain talking about global warming and how he's not going to abandon the cause when the value of our dollar is sinking down the toilet? I mean, people. Perspective. Puhleeze. Global warming is caused by the earth's core heating up and sunspot activity. I don't think taking a few cars off the road are going to change that. Science is such a lost art.

Oh yes, and my car broke down this past week. Fortunately, it was a small problem and it didn't cost much to fix.

Last week my church had a long term ministry planning workshop and it was kind of cool. I made a couple new friends (finally). So, yay for me on that. The news isn't all bad. See.

Back to work now.

It Seemed Relevant

2008-05-04T21:15:00.002-05:00

I found this interesting article on women's mental health issues. It seemed relevant and excellent. Society has a way of stigmatizing women that is often ignored. It's nice to hear a positive message once in a while.

I'll leave you on that note with an inspiring quotation:

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, that you really do have worth.

Anonymous

I Really Want To Know

2008-04-30T18:47:00.004-05:00

This is a question for my male readers. First, I'll explain myself. I was only asked out by one guy (major, effing jerk -- and I said "no") ever. I was 19 at that time. No other guy asked me on a date. Craig and I ended up dating because I asked him out. So, here I am. I am cute, funny, pretty and extremely intellectual. I was homeschooled, but I knew a lot of guys my own age when I was 16-20 (started dating Craig at 20). I was reserved, but not shy (I'm shy now). Am I intimidating or something? If you met a girl who wasn't clingy or desperate or annoying is there another reason you might not ask her out? What is it? This is a hypothetical question so think from the hypothetical standpoint that you are single if you are not when you answer it.

No, I'm not traumatized or anything. I'm a happily married woman. I am intensely curious, however. So answer the question already.

Incidents At Random

2008-04-25T19:36:00.002-05:00

Craig and I made some new friends this past week on Sunday. This other couple at church invited several families over for a cookout including us. We had never met them before because our church has two different services. We attend the early service, our new friends attend the late service. So, we went to rsvp for the get together they were hosting. Since we had never met we decided to introduce ourselves. The husband is G., the wife is J. After introducing ourselves G. noticed Craig's rather conspicuous guitar coffin case. "Is that a guitar?" he asked. Craig replied in the affirmative and then I said, "No, it's actually stolen money and drugs." With a straight face. Okay, win one for first impressions. Fortunately, my new audience laughed. Yeah, I won't be saving that line for a job interview.

Sven called this morning. Yes, I was confused too. He told me he was from the Netherlands and he wondered if I could help him. He was trying to reach [insert random gas company whose old phone number now happens to be our home number]. I explained that we were a residence, but I did have the current number to [insert random gas company whose old phone number now happens to be our home number]. So I gave him the number. He told me that [insert random gas company whose old phone number happens to be our home number] should be paying me a fee for fielding calls. I totally agree.

No further news to report. Things are fine here, just fine.

On One Condition

2008-04-20T14:40:00.005-05:00

The worst thing a person can do to another is offer conditional love. I submit that it is the cause of much sorrow and darkness. Perhaps the greatest cause. I would rather be hated than be the recipient of conditional love. To say that affection will only come if the object of affection does what the giver wants is a sentence of living death. You think I am being too extreme? Well, let's partake of an example then.

My favorite tv show is Smallville (I'm sure you all knew that). The relationship on Smallville that most interests me is the one between Lex Luthor and his father Lionel Luthor. It portrays the results of conditional love. I know, this is fictional, but stories can often illustrate to us what we find confusing in real life. When we first meet Lex he is the subject of his father's will. Lex is strong willed and emotional. He desires to be a good person and the audience cannot help but like him. Lionel is ruthless in his treatment of Lex. He places Lex in charge of a Luthor Corp plant and demands Lex achieve perfection in all his business dealings. Lex tries passive aggressive strategies to bypass his father's inflexible standards. Somehow Lionel is always one step ahead of Lex. It's like a horrible game between father and son. Nothing Lex does is good enough for Lionel. Lionel pits Lex against himself just to teach Lex how to be strong. We get a few flashback moments between Lex and Lionel. What we learn is that Lionel has always told Lex that he is weak and pathetic. That's how he tries to be a good father to Lex. Even when Lex does the right thing Lionel can find some mistake in it. Lionel himself is committing the greatest mistake a father can commit: conditional love. It is a mistake that teaches Lex he must be a perfect son or forever live ashamed and angry. Later in the series Lionel turns his life around and tries to reach out to his son. He is eventually able to offer the unconditional love that Lex never knew. But then it is too late. Lex is a bitter young man who refuses to believe his father could love him. Lex has taken conditional love to the next level. He distrusts everyone around him. He drives away even his closest friends because he constantly manipulates them in order to keep their friendships. And they tire of it. He is a lonely, sad, dark, obsessive, manipulative person.

So I repeat, the worst thing you can do to another human being is offer love based on their performance of your standards or wishes.

At the same time unconditional love can be taken to an extreme or used in an unhealthy manner. It's kind of like the battered wife principle: don't allow the abuser back into your life without proof of full repentance because that's unhealthy. Don't allow someone to take advantage of you just because you love them. Limits must exist in order for unconditional love to work. Those limits, however, should never be more important than the love we have for those around us. First offer the love, then the limits. If you go the other way round the person will probably never realize you care.

Do Not Want!!!11!!!

2008-04-17T20:39:00.004-05:00

Warning: This post contains a major Smallville spoiler. If you are not watching Season 7 and you intend to get it on dvd you and watch it later than you may not want to continue reading. Remember, you were warned.

**Spoiler Space**

It was one of the best Smallville episodes I have ever seen. It was on par with Justice from Season 6 where several JLA characters team up to take on Lex Luthor. It was on par with the episode in Season 5 where Clark lives a day twice and Jonathan Kent passes away. It was better than the Season 6 finale where we are duped into thinking that Lana Lang has died (that would have been the best episode ever if only it had been true -- take the emo Lana, take it and go). It was even better than the Lexana wedding -- which was mainly good for reasons of writing and execution than storyline. The opener was the most stunning and intriguing opener I have seen on any Smallville yet. Lionel Luther died before the theme song. I cannot believe it. My favorite character is gone. I think he might be my all time favorite tv show character. John Glover's portrayal of him was so poignant, so ruthless, so amazing. Everything Lionel did was in character. Thus, it was in character for him to die the way he died: at the hands of Lex Luthor. Lionel never would have expected Lex to go that far. Not even when he hated Lex in the earlier seasons. I was stunned. I am stunned. I actually cried. Yeah, I'll get over it. But I don't know how I can keep watching without Lionel. They took the best part of the show.

Then again, Clark stepped up to the plate like the hero he is meant to be. That was encouraging. And Lex has become superbly evil. This could make the show worth watching. Having so many main characters has got to be tough on the writers. The elimination of Lionel Luthor may help them focus on Clark becoming a superhero and Lex becoming the biggest baddie ever. Who knows? This could be good. *sniff* But that doesn't mean I have to happy right now. . .

Ah, Logic # 15

2008-04-17T10:29:00.002-05:00

I link to this article concerning the autism/vaccine erroneous link because I think the dissemination of accurate information on the internet is important. Also, because it is a very logical article. One of the best I have seen on this subject. I especially enjoyed the bit about getting information on the internet. People, there's a lot of crap out there. Try to use common sense.

Obsession

2008-04-12T13:00:00.001-05:00

In which Star Trek: The Next Generation episode did Data ask Captain Piccard to deactivate him? No, this is not a trivia question. I can't find the episode and it's making me bonkers that I can't remember which one that was. If you know, please tell me.

"I Have A Bad Feeling About This"

2008-04-09T18:18:00.004-05:00

Emotions are an interesting concept. I say this partly because I have sequestered most of my emotions. I tend to be extremely logical. To a fault in fact. Mr. Spock in Star Trek: The Original Series and I would get along very well. We both make the same mistake, we fail to evaluate the emotional level of those around us. The question then becomes, how did I get this way? Did I, like Spock, choose to emulate the behavior required of me? Did I ignore my emotions because I was taught that they are unacceptable and perhaps even evil? A Vulcan does not have emotions. A Christian should control her emotions.

It all sounds eerily the same does it not? We are societally afraid of our emotions. Especially in the Christian evangelical setting. The strange thing is, there are many in evangelical churches who rely solely on their emotions to understand God. You know all those slogans about how Jesus is "my best friend" and we have "to be on fire for God." (By the way, if you're on fire you should stop, drop to the floor and roll around to put the fire out, only then should you continue reading this blog post.) I am not writing this to condemn or vilify Christian evangelicals. I think there are many good things that they do. Outreach is definitely one of their strengths and I applaud them for it. On the other hand, I am pointing out a logical anomaly in their doctrine.

Many evangelical churches despise the notions of doctrine and theology. Yet these are important things. Wars have been fought over different interpretations of biblical passages. You cannot convince me that doctrine and theology should be ignored in favor of experiences. I am not saying we should wage war over it now, heck, we have freedom of religion so we can discuss it freely. I encourage a positive response to the questions of what different doctrines mean. I am merely pointing out that doctrine is important (not all important, no, not more important than God). I do not think it is possible for humans to know everything about God. There are things we have to accept. At the same time, the wishy-washy drivel you sometimes learn in church is not helpful.

It is not so much the positive aspect of that drivel that I want to discuss. It is more the negative aspect. The continual need to tell the youth that their feelings are invalid or they should be ashamed of them. The fact is, obsession is a problem. Feelings are not. They are feelings, neither wrong nor right, but simply there. It is healthy to accept them for what they are and discuss them without hurting anyone. It is also helpful for parents to teach children how to express their feelings appropriately as they grow older. What would you rather have: A child who throws her ice cream cone on the ground because she wanted a piece of gum instead of ice cream (I can't justify her decision, no)? Or a child who says, "I really wanted gum not ice cream"? Okay, duh. The second alternative. Well, telling the child that she is spoiled and cannot have everything she wants is going to get you the former. Telling the child that you love her, you understand why she wants gum, but today we are having ice cream might still get you a tantrum. But it won't get you a child who goes through the rest of her life believing her needs are invalid and she should be ashamed of them.

There is nothing wrong with feelings. Even feelings that are rebellious toward a parent or authority figure. The fact is, children need to know they are individuals. They will never learn to live with their independence if they are not allowed to disagree. Pulling away from an angry child or withdrawing as if hurt when a child disagrees is damaging. In a rather evangelical sounding statement, I submit that God would not do that to his children. Even if he could not agree with us, he would not walk away to a distance or make us believe that we are always guilty of something (even just having a feeling). Why is it that evangelicals treat the youth this way? Not just in their own homes even, but everywhere? There could be many valid reasons. In fact, I am open to hearing them if you wish to join in the conversation. I am expressing my opinion and my hope that things will change for the better. That is all.

People Are Gullible

2008-04-05T14:40:00.003-05:00

This post is meant to precede a series of my thoughts on religion in the U.S. today. I would draw your attention to this article found on the NeuroLogica Blog. It's an interesting description of how psychics ply their trade (i.e. dupe people so they can make money).

After reading the article linked above I felt creeped out. This is not because I ever believed in psychics. Personally, I think it's all hogwash. This is because I have known preachers of Christianity who have employed the same methods to get money from people and have called it the gift of prophecy. I do believe that God can speak to us today. I am not denying his power. But I also think that most people who claim to be prophetic and then utter vague incantations that could be applicable to anyone are frauds. Most of what they say is geared to get a bigger offering. Or they might actually believe they are prophetic. That is possible. Let me try an example to help you understand. If you tell a Christian that she "reads the Word a lot" and "should remain strong in the Word to accomplish her destiny" then you are certainly not saying anything new or unheard of. Chances are if the person identifies herself as a Christian then she does read her Bible a lot. The whole thing about "destiny" is vague and inscrutable. It does not mean anything. For the record someone who claimed to be a prophet actually gave me the above "prophecy." Personally, it did more harm then good. I went around wondering what the heck that meant and where that left me for a couple years after that. I could have actually been doing something useful. But no, some weirdo said something that didn't make sense and my upbringing had taught me not to ignore such people.

Now, however, I am a different person. Aside from the fact that in Revelations it suggests that prophecy has ended, it's illogical to pay attention to every bit of reasoning that comes from the mouth of someone who claims to have a prophetic gift. Many Christians act like someone is an "unbeliever" if she questions the words spoken by a "prophet." I would say no. Paul did tell us to test the spirits. I consider it a matter of common sense. Why believe everything someone says? Especially when there is no way to prove them wrong. People who claim to be prophetic are often believed -- for a while at least -- by evangelical protestants. I have seen this time and again. Someone claims to have this "gift," stands up and makes a prophecy. The time for the prophecy runs out and nothing happened. Unless, of course, you search the news and stuff. You can always find something that will coincide with the prophecy and could be what the person meant. Yeah, I call bullsh**. If there are multiple events that could be interpreted as the prophecy, but nothing definitive than it's obviously not sensible to go on listening to every word that person says. Furthermore, I have known several people who actually make stuff up to reinforce others opinion of them. They lie. It's a sad commentary on today's religious culture in the U.S.

My favorite of the methods some so-called prophets use to gain credibility is the argument against those infernal "unbelievers." The person will hold their religious meeting -- seance-- and then they will see someone walk out of the meeting less than halfway through. The person will then come up with multiple stories concerning people who "don't believe" and who have "already gone home to gossip about this meeting." Essentially, the "prophet" wants the followers to realize that they are special for believing in his meeting. Frankly, it's creepy. People who have to put others down in order to reinforce their own reputations are up to no good.

On the other side of things I have known people who are overly critical of other Christians beliefs. Again, sad commentary on today's religious culture. But perhaps not completely. The fact is, we have the freedom to believe what we want to believe in this country. That is a huge plus. So long as we have that freedom I cannot dismiss everyone I disagree with. Religious freedom is one of our most important rights. So go on, believe what you believe. I would never make a law against your gullibility.

Another March Post

2008-03-31T10:06:00.005-05:00

I found this interesting medical blog a couple months back. I have been meaning to link to it for some time now. I believe the best article I have read from it is this one. It talks about the problems between doctors and patients arising from differences in perspective. Of course, this is more about American health care than anything else. The blog often critiques various alternative medicine (including homeopathy, life energy stuff, acupuncture, chiropractic etc.) techniques. I think it's a valuable resource because in my younger days I was given to understand that some alternative medicine is legit. After spending some time studying the persuasive mumbo jumbo of "traditional healers" and remembering some of the things I have heard advocates of alternative medicine say I am convinced that most of them are frauds. The rest are well meaning quacks. The bottom line is that they advocate for treatments which are not based on science or any kind of clinical trials. Some of these treatments have been around for a couple hundred years without adjusting to the current body of biological knowledge. Don't be fooled.

The problem still remains, however, of the impersonal and rigid manner in which medical doctors treat patients. I have to say the eye rolling thing some doctors do when a patient refuses a treatment is just plain annoying. I hate it when my doctor corrects me before I have finished my thought. Not that he does that very often, he's a pretty nice guy. But still I am not some idiot patient who isn't going to listen to the doctor because I think he's in some sort of conspiracy to poison me. Something else I dislike about doctors is when they fail to finish their thought. They say something like, "Maybe you've had asthma for years and didn't know it." Then they stop and never explain the statement. So annoying. Then there's the propensity to treat people like they are hypochondriacs if their symptoms do not match with others. Who doesn't hate that? Why can't doctors assume that some of us just don't fit into the definitions of normal? I, for example, rarely have side effects from medications other than dry mouth. It's weird, but it's me. However, I did have a very bad reaction to a certain asthma med known as Singulair. Several times my doctor has asked me what happens when I take Singulair because I listed in my profile that I am allergic to it. After I get done explaining that it causes me to have asthma attacks he gives me this look which says, "I don't quite believe you." I would add that my doctor is probably one of the nicest MDs I have ever met. If even he has some of the annoying tendencies than it is no wonder people are often inclined to seek out methods of treatment based more on the personality administering the treatment than the science -- or lack thereof -- behind it.

Does Uranus Have An Aurora?

2008-03-29T22:40:00.003-05:00

The title of this post is an actual question from the game Trivial Pursuit (the original game). I am not making this up. You can't make this sh** up. No, you can't.

Speaking of Uranus, I am currently taking a certification class for becoming a med manager. I am learning that if I continue in my job I could end up giving people medications in all kinds of interesting ways -- and places. Time for a new job? Methinks soon it will be.

House hunting is going along. We came close to making an offer, but then the house was purchased out from under us. Kind of sad. But logic had already told me it was the wrong time for us to buy that particular house. Someday it will be the right time and we will find another house just as beautiful and enormous. In the meantime, a smaller, cheaper house with low property taxes and a low energy bill would suit me fine.

All I seem capable of are random updates on my blog. Let me just say that aside from class, more work and house hunting I am working through some overdue troubles of the past. Part of it is related to shyness and finding friends in my area. Nothing to fret over, but I would not mind the prayers of those of you who pray.

Long Time, No Write

2008-03-20T20:45:00.003-05:00

I went from posts concerning nothing but politics to no posts at all to random updates about what I am doing with my life. I have been very inconsistent with my blog lately. Rest assured, I am here. Things are just happening a lot and I have less inspiration for writing than I used to have.

House hunting is going. Definitely going. It really takes a lot of work to do this.

One of my favorite American Idol contestants got voted off this week. Bummer. Amanda Overmyer, I hope somebody out there signs you for a record deal. I would love to go to your concert someday.

Work is long and a bit dull. It's got to the point where I know what I am doing, there's nothing new to do and now it's boring me. I have to decide how long I am going to put up with this before I find a job that will not bore me after only 6 months. Like my last job, I could have done that one for a few more years without getting bored. It was always changing.

Politics, politics. I am not as up to date as I should be. Frankly, the presidential contest between two real Democrats and one pseudo-Dem got rather dull. I have less motivation to get out there and pay attention. I think I'll go back to reading foreign policy a lot and checking the status of the economy.

On the Smallville front (yes, I reserve the right to rant about my favorite tv show) I am excited. The storyline just got much more interesting. For those of you who read my post about Smallville jumping the shark a while back, well, it didn't really. It just pretended to jump the shark. It's back on track and more complicated and emo than ever. I love it!

Writing is slow going. I keep getting too tired to put in much time on it. And I am not sure where to start with editing so many novels. I keep going from novel to novel trying to decide which one to focus on. Then I think I should just start a new one. Ah, me. It's time to institute some self discipline.

In other news I have been reading a lot about alternative medicine lately and have come to the conclusion that it's mostly quack. I might write a post on that sometime in the near future.

I Have A Problem

2008-03-04T20:06:00.003-06:00

I become easily obsessed with American Idol. So, tonight I watched the guys sing and tomorrow the girls will sing. I will not be watching the boring Thursday show in which we find out who got voted off. Why waste an hour of my time when I can check out the website on Friday?

Here are my thoughts on the competition this year:

-There's a really cool rocker chick named Amanda and I hope she stays in at least until the Top 12.
-Mr. Australian guy is just not doing it for me. Why do people like him?
-Ditto on Mrs. Irish girl. She has amazing vocals and always picks the wrong song.
-What's with the cute, teary eyed kid who can't stop talking about people less fortunate than himself and singing sad songs? He's turning into a parody.
-The tall, blonde girl named Brooke is fun to watch. They call Simon "Mr. Happy" every time she sings because of his "washing up liquid commercial" speech in which he described her singing as "happy and yellow."
-I have a tough time deciding between David Cook and David Hernandez, but this week it was definitely David Cook.
-Either Syesha or Asia'h could become my favorite female Idol this season.
-The guy with the dreads has a beautiful voice.
-Ramiele is my favorite girl. Here's hoping she picks a good song this week (not like last week when I couldn't vote for her because of song choice).
-Why does Danny dance? Someone should tell him to stop trying . . .
-Whatever happy pill Paula's taking is starting to frighten me.
-Randy never stops talking about singing and performing technique. Wait, that's how he's always been.
-Simon is still the voice of reason and after Paula's long, flowery speeches I really like to get the opinion of someone who does not have an open mind.

And those are my thoughts on American Idol this year. Enjoy the show.

Where Am I?

2008-03-02T11:43:00.002-06:00

I am totally here. I just don't have much to say. I thought I would post an Oscars commentary. But I just didn't feel like it. I'm glad Daniel Day-Lewis won Best Actor. Why didn't Ellen Page win Best Actress? Stupid Academy. Anyway, I was going to give out my own set of awards, but can't seem to come up with anything funny enough. So whatever.

I was going to post some commentary on the election as it struggles along. I do not have much to say. I am sad that I will not be able to feel proud to vote for anyone this November. That's the way things look at least.

Looks like I might be getting a house soon. So that's exciting. And time consuming. I am going to be working more hours starting next week. Not too much more though. But it will bring in a few more bucks and that's always a good thing.

I will try to come up with an actual intellectual post in the near future. In the meantime, I am alive and around. But my brains are definitely smelly.

Interesting

2008-02-21T09:38:00.002-06:00

It looks like torture may not be all it's cracked up to be. I'll be the first to admit that I always thought torture worked. I didn't like it and I certainly don't agree with using it, but I assumed it worked. Otherwise, why do it? The answer lies at the end of the article where it states:

'"The larger problem here, I think," one active CIA officer observed in 2005, "is that this kind of stuff just makes people feel better, even if it doesn't work."'

Castro Resigns

2008-02-19T08:30:00.003-06:00

Fidel Castro resigned today. He's still not dead.

My favorite quote from the article is this:

"Fidel Castro is widely expected to retain a strong voice in the country's strategic decisions for the time being."

No kidding. That's the understatement of the century. Fidel Castro is going to keep as tight a hold of his power as he can until he's gone.

Everything In Moderation

2008-02-13T20:37:00.003-06:00

Here is an interesting commentary on the McCain problem. I agree that we should perhaps calm down, take a step back and think about compromise. That's how politics works best after all. I am just not sure if I can actually trust McCain or other neo-cons to follow through on such a plan. McCain already told us at CPAC that he might listen to conservatives if they wanted him to change his policies. His promise might not be good enough for me. I might need some more evidence to back up a statement like that. McCain might have to oppose embryonic stem cell research, or he might have to try to get troops out of Iraq, or he might have to understand what's wrong with the economy. McCain might have to do something about border security -- something that doesn't grant amnesty to illegal aliens. He might even have to come up with a fiscal plan where the government does not spend more than it brings in. Or he might have to be somebody other than McCain. Yeah, I like that last sentence best.

The Race Annoouncer -- That's Me

2008-02-13T08:35:00.003-06:00

Virginia: McCain won on the Republican side. Obama won the Democrat primary.

Maryland: McCain won again. Obama won again.

D.C.: Same story by wider margins.

I cannot say I am surprised by any of the outcomes of these states/district. Except perhaps that Obama is doing so well. That's how the Dems are, however. They will shoot themselves in the foot every primary by picking a really liberal candidate who can talk pretty. Republicans prefer the inarticulate guy who's willing to take action whether it's necessary or not. I am still surprised about McCain coming up as the forerunner. He's incredibly unpredictable when it comes to Republican values. He switches back and forth so often. I remember a time when it was thought that he would become an Independent and change the balance of power in the Senate. I respect him for what he has been through, but I do not want him to be president.

Oh, yeah, and Ron Paul's numbers continue to be existent, but low.

Count Them Votes!

2008-02-11T08:31:00.000-06:00

Huckabee is contesting the results from Washington state. The state Republican Party chair declared McCain the winner with only 87% of the votes counted. McCain was less than two percent ahead of Huckabee.

Ron Paul won 21% of the votes counted so far in Washington.

The Plot Thickens

2008-02-09T18:18:00.000-06:00

Huckabee won with 60% of the vote in the GOP Kansas caucuses. McCain came in far behind with a measly 24% and Ron Paul only got 11%. In Louisiana, Huckabee came in first by a slim majority. Ron Paul received 5%. Washington is still too close for me to tell who has won and not all the votes are counted. I will update when it's closer to 100% of precincts reporting.

Obama won four races. He won by a wide margin in each one. Take that, Hillary!

My thoughts are conflicted. I won't vote for McCain. As far as I'm concerned he has betrayed the Republican party several times over. I won't vote for a Democrat. I don't want to have to vote for Huckabee. He's too liberal. There just isn't a candidate who I can get behind this year. Of course, that's why I worked so hard to get Ron Paul the nomination. I guess I'll start researching Congressional and local races. I officially can't care about the presidential race anymore. But I'll keep updating on it. It's fun to watch.

Super Tuesday Is Over Now

2008-02-06T12:43:00.000-06:00

As usual I am linking to the results of the election. Super Tuesday was yesterday. 21 states voted in primaries.

For Republicans the results were still mixed. McCain is considered to be ahead now. Ron Paul beat Huckabee in a couple states and he came out ahead of McCain in Montana and Alaska. I just hope he keeps getting his message heard. I'm going to say right now that I won't vote for McCain. He clearly knows nothing about the economy which I think is the most important issue right now. *cough* RINO *cough*

For Democrats I don't think we can make a generalization yet either. Clinton won New York and California, but Obama won more states and with higher margins.

The race continues to be interesting. Frankly, I am enjoying this year's primary/caucus season more than any other I have witnessed. I want to see this go back and forth all the way to the National Conventions.

Don't Forget To Breathe

2008-02-02T12:58:00.000-06:00

If you plan to see the movie There Will Be Blood then my best advice to you is, "Don't forget to breathe." It's easy to forget when you are watching the most powerful acting performance of the last 20 years (that I can remember). Very easy. Daniel Day-Lewis deserves to win the Oscar for Best Actor. Hands down. It will be a gross injustice if he loses to Johnny Depp or George Clooney. I could not be more clear if I hosted the Oscars myself. That man should win. I don't think any of the other nominees could hold a candle to Day-Lewis's performance in Blood.

To be fair, I only recommend that you go see Blood if you are okay with a bitter storyline, an ending that does not tie up loose ends and watching a person get driven mad by his obsession. I went to see the movie because I thought it would be good research for my writing. It turned out to be so much more than that.

The beginning of the movie jars the audience into its setting and main character. After that you could not walk away if you wanted to. The soundtrack at the very beginning is like the sound of someone holding his breath. It's frightening. The intensity of the acting -- with no dialog for the first 20 minutes -- is gripping. I found myself identifying with Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis) from that first moment.

Blood is the story of a man obsessed with making money. He starts out with gold and silver mining then moves on to oil drilling. At first he doesn't seem like such a bad guy. You can tell he swindles people, but he's so good at it that you cannot hate him. As his character develops and things happen to him you begin to see him losing his grip on reality itself. He becomes so engrossed in his own successes that he just hates everyone. I know this sounds horrible, but you can't stop watching. You almost feel like you are Daniel Plainview until it's too late and you suddenly realize he has gone completely mad.

The anchor that makes Daniel Plainview a believable character is his son H.W. For some reason Daniel loves that little boy. Reviewers have said that H.W. was just a prop for Daniel. But I think they're wrong. H.W. was Daniel Plainview's "rosebud," so to speak. He was the one thing Daniel cared about, but Daniel did not love the boy more than Daniel loved his own success. I thought it was interesting that Daniel hated everyone except a child. He was happy when H.W. was a little boy and before H.W. had an accident that handicapped him. Daniel risked his life to save H.W. After that he abandoned the poor kid and became even more obsessed with his oil drilling.

The movie features one other compelling character played by Paul Dano: Eli Sunday. Eli is a preacher under the compulsion of his own obsession. He makes an excellent contrast to Daniel because he is just as obsessed with spirituality as Daniel is with money. I feel bad for Paul Dano, however, because his performance -- which was good -- seemed pathetic in comparison to Day-Lewis'. It would be difficult for any actor to play opposite Day-Lewis in Blood. Eli, at first, welcomes Daniel to his town and helps Daniel buy up the oil rich land. When Daniel scorns Eli's church, however, Eli becomes embittered and wishes he had not allowed Daniel into the community. The two men eventually become enemies. It was interesting to watch them. The one obsession against the other. But both end up in a bad way.

Which leads me to the ending. I'm not going to give it away, but if you prefer happy endings then you will hate this movie. It was truly a remarkable thing to see. When I walked out of the theatre I was so full of different emotions that I had no idea what to say about the movie. I felt like I had just awoke from a dream in which I was a different person. There is so much in a thematic sense in Blood. The characters, the oil, progress. I can't even begin to explain it all. I might have to watch it again . . . Or just buy it on dvd when the time comes.

Retiring The Bum

2008-02-01T08:39:00.000-06:00

If you have kept up with my blog lately then you know I have been annoyed with myself. I often refer to myself as a "bum." The main reason for that is I don't always get things done when I need to and I have been unmotivated for the past year. I think I may have learned the secret to motivating myself: positive reinforcement.

In retrospect I'm not sure why this was so difficult to figure out. When I was a kid I used to get up at 6am every morning and do my schoolwork (I was homeschooled). I normally finished by noon and had ample time to play outside in the mud (I enjoyed mud and frankly, Michigan is a mudhole). I am doing the same thing really, I get my work done and then I get a reward (mud). The main difference is that now I have to come up with a better reward and that can cost money. For example, since I completed my housework and made it to the gym this week I get to go see a movie. Next week I might do something more mundane like playing Civ IV. That's the only game I play. I find it's a constructive way to deal with my kneejerk neo-conservative leanings -- don't judge me I was once just like you, I mean, I was educated by neo-cons. Conquer a few virtual civilizations, win a virtual space race, set off a few virtual ICBMs and I'm all set to talk about what's wrong with the economy again. So, it's a very rewarding game. I digress as usual. I find that fun is a lot more rewarding when I know I have done my work. I must have forgot that fact in college since I had to grab fun when I could because most of what I did was study, study, study.

Housework and exercise are not the only things I have let slide over the past year. I have become terminally bad at sticking to my writing. I have jumped from one novel to the next with gaps of two months in between a couple weeks of frenzied effort. The hard working times never last. So, I have set down and really started editing my 2005 NaNo novel. I have the prologue in ship-shape condition. I have even allowed people to read it and tell me what's wrong with it. If you want to be one of those people and I trust you then send me an email and I might let you read my work. It's good to get all the feedback I can -- not that I will take everything you say seriously.

I feel a whole lot better about myself now. I realize that my problem has not been that there is something terribly wrong with me. It's been that I know I am not doing my best with my responsibilities. I think it's time for the bum to retire. Of course, if I get sick then the bum can come back for a few days.

Keep It Coming

2008-01-30T07:06:00.000-06:00

It's pretty amazing to think that only a few states have voted for presidential candidates so far this year. Next Tuesday we will have 20 states voting on the same day. That still will only amount to a little over half the states in the U.S. I think we should let the election drag on and wait a little longer to make those assumptions on who's winning. But then I'm not the press. I'm just your average American. Since when does my opinion count?

Yesterday was Florida's vote. McCain won despite embarrassing himself with a misquote of Romney that he refuses to back down on. And despite the fact that McCain knows almost nothing about the economy. Romney came in next, however, proving that he is still doing better than anyone else (I think). Ron Paul received 62,000 votes, but in Florida that amounted to 3%. Not that he was counting on Florida. Oh, and goodbye Rudy!

On the Democrat side it doesn't really matter because the DNC took Florida's delegates. I'll report the numbers anyway. We have flip-flopped again. Clinton soundly beat Obama. Obama should announce it's because of all those old people. Don't you think? "Well, I never had a chance in a state with a lot of old people." As for Edwards, when is he going to stop wasting his money and get out of the race?

Some Things Never Change

2008-01-29T07:12:00.001-06:00

. . . George W. Bush is one of them. I watched the State of the Union Address for the first time in several years yesterday evening. Most years I just read it afterwards. This being President Bush's last year I decided to watch him give his speech one more time. There were a few solid moments of the speech where I would have been standing and applauding. But most of it was all about spending more of my tax dollars on more wasteful Federal programs. He did throw in a nice tribute to balancing the budget at the beginning. He even laughed when he told Congress that he was not going to approve an unbalanced budget this year.

Bush is taking that veto pen very seriously these days. He had to ease into this whole presidency thing. So, about his 6th year he decided he could try vetoing something. I guess he ended up enjoying the veto so much that he can't put the pen down now.

I have to admit I prefer watching a Bush State of the Union Address to a Clinton one. Why is that? Bush may make errors in words and sentences (not yesterday), but he doesn't keep talking for two hours. Nor does he insert all kinds of sickening, flowery language in his speech. He just says what he means. If that makes me doze off, well, at least it's better than feeling like I want to go vomit.

It was actually funny watching the speech last night. GWB was having such a wonderful time giving his last State of the Union Address. He looked so comfortable standing up there. He seems to have stopped caring about the criticism we as a country focus on him. On one hand, that's not good. But on the other hand, I do have to feel some respect for the guy. He took the job of president and he's definitely one of the most hated presidents in his time. Still, he never gives up on his decisions. I can't get behind all the spending or wars of regime change. But I have to admire his unapologetic perseverance. I have to admire his resolve. I really have to admire his ability to finish the speech in only one hour . . .

Inventing Slurs

2008-01-27T16:55:00.000-06:00

I wish people would stop creating new racial slurs and labels of a negative sort. I mean, you never really know when you're going to end up saying something totally insensitive anymore. Maybe we should take the route of George Orwell's 1984 and start shrinking the language instead of coming up with new meanings for words. He tried to make a good point with that whole idea, but I really think he missed something.

Back And Forth

2008-01-27T10:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday South Carolina held its Democratic primary. Obama came in ahead of Hillary by nearly 30 points. Edwards should just quit. His own state would not elect him for prez. The race continues its chaotic spiral. What will happen next? What will Hillary do? Whatever she does, it won't be pretty . . .

My Annual "I Don't Get The Oscars" Post

2008-01-25T09:07:00.000-06:00

Yes, the nominations are in for the Oscars. As usual I have only seen one of the movies nominated for Best Picture and Best Director. That would be Juno. It's very good. Somehow I don't think it deserves Best Picture, despite the fact that it's the best movie I've seen all year. Of the other movies nominated for that award none of them were popular at all. I think I'd be interested in seeing There Will Be Blood. But the others don't sound up my alley. As for best actor, well, I'm glad Viggo Mortensen finally got a nomination. I doubt he will win, but that's okay. He should get some more roles and that's all I'd like to see from him. I hope to see Ellen Page take Best Actress home with her. She was amazing in Juno.

Of course, the movies that I actually watched mainly received technical nominations. Those would be Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Ratatouille, Transformers and 3:10 to Yuma. Speaking of which, I am very disappointed that none of the actors in Yuma were nominated for Oscars. That movie was incredible. I plan to buy it, soon. It's so sad that Westerns have lost their place as notable movies anymore. At least the '90s are over. The only Oscar nominated films in the '90s were crappy, message flicks that bored me to tears. I mean, at least I can say that a few movies on the Oscar Nominations list interest me rather than that I do not want to see any of them ever. That's a little bit better than things used to be.

The Confusion, Er, Election Continues

2008-01-20T10:43:00.000-06:00

Nevada: Romney won by a lot. Ron Paul came in second! It's not much more decisive than Romney winning Wyoming, however, because hardly anyone showed up to the caucuses. At least, that's my opinion. The Republican Party still appears confused.

As for the Democrats, Clinton is in the lead. I'm really not sure why the recent Clinton camp shenanigans haven't turned voters completely off toward Hillary. I mean, really, I don't consider Obama to be the nice guy either (considering his tactics in Illinois elections), but something is definitely going on with the Clinton campaign. Ever since that one time Obama did better than Hillary it's been scary. Doesn't this jog a few memories of the last Clinton White House? Why do we want that again?

South Carolina: This was a much more decisive victory for McCain. Still not sure if that makes him the front runner. It probably puts him equal with Romney. As for Ron Paul, he came in ahead of Giuliani, at least.

On the Democrats side we will not find out until Jan. 26th because they have a different primary date for each party.

To Sing To The Whole World

2008-01-17T08:26:00.000-06:00

I have spent the last two years unable to watch my one addiction: American Idol. Yes, I love that show. No, I don't know why. Simon is my favorite of the judges because I nearly always agree with him (but I would not say things the way he does). Randy and Paula are fun too because they're a lot more enthusiastic and normal than Simon. They definitely ground the show.

Yesterday's show was 2 hours long and I almost quit watching it. But they kept teasing me at the commercial breaks with an upcoming contestant. He was a guy in a costume. When they finally brought him out (the last 7 minutes of the show) I thought, "I've waited this long, this had better be good." Boy, was it. Here it is for your viewing enjoyment. Watch him as he "sings free of charge" "to the whole world." The greatest 7 minutes in American Idol history as far as I am concerned.

Confusion

2008-01-16T07:55:00.000-06:00

The results of the primaries continue to prove that the Republican party is a mess. Huckabee, McCain and Romney have now all been first in the first three primary/caucus states. Actually, Romney came in first in Wyoming, so he has done better than the other three.

As for Ron Paul, he did really well in Michigan. He totally beat Giuliani and Thompson. We're talking more than double the votes Rudy got and almost double the votes Thompson received.

Word has it that Michigan Dems are not satisfied either. That's probably because the DNC refused to acknowledge the primary when MI moved it up. Take that MI (my home state) for forcing Iowa to move its caucuses up so they infringed on the holidays.

Crisis of Faith

2008-01-13T10:39:00.001-06:00

There's something about being young and involved in politics that you can never get back once you've passed the age of 25. The enthusiasm I felt when I was in highschool and much of college has flown away on the winds of time. I look at kids these days, the ones who are into politics, and I wonder where they get their passion. I know I don't feel that strongly about political involvement anymore.

I have done a lot of work this past year for Dr. Paul, but it was very much head oriented rather than heart. In my head I know we should not be this in debt as a country. I do not want government funded health care. I think that redistribution of wealth is immoral. I consider the Iraq War to be too similar to the Clinton era "world police" position of the U.S. The store of arguments I have about my political ideas are almost solely intellectual and come from years of study. Did you know I did far more to get George W. Bush elected then I did to get Ron Paul the nomination? I am neither proud nor ashamed of this fact. It happened. George W. Bush will always hold that special place of being my favorite political candidate of all time. It's not that I think he's done a great job. I simply no longer have the same sense of devotion as I had for my party and my party leader during his first campaign for president. I can look at GWB and see the things he has done wrong. But I also see something else.

I see a kid with a lot of hopes and dreams wanting to do everything in her power to elect the person she thought was the best. I see a rally with a thousand people pushing me up against a stage while I reached up to shake the hand of the man I knew would win the presidency and do his best for my country. This is why I cannot hate Bush, why I never will. His 2000 race for the presidency was the funnest political moment of my life. I was motivated to pass out literature, call people, go to rallies (2, in fact) and talk about my beliefs -- which weren't very developed -- nonstop.

Is it any wonder that I have wanted to leave the Republican Party for the last four years? I just don't feel into it anymore. I want to help make government better. But I don't feel purposeful like I once did. Perhaps it's all just a maturation process. We grow older, we don't care about the things we cared about when we were young. I am still very interested in politics, I am just not caught up in them anymore. This might be a good thing. Now I can finally remove myself back from my own arguments and consider whether they are logical or not. Still, it makes me feel lost. To remember the way I once was and wonder why I have no motivation anymore is difficult. What changed me? Was it just growing older? Or was it realizing that I don't know everything? I don't know what's best for the country and I even picked a candidate to support who wasn't what's best. Is it just that I have learned to doubt myself?

If I had the answer I would give it. As it is, I now understand that I can only get anywhere by motivating myself. It's hard work to take the steps in life which I think are necessary for me. I have always been proud of my ability to self-motivate. But I think much of that was based on my somewhat irrational, youthful drive to make my dreams come true. So, I guess I have work to do. And no, this whole rant does not pertain only to politics.

I'm Only Going To Say This Once

2008-01-11T11:35:00.000-06:00

I have said this many, many times both to myself and to a few close friends: Never trust someone who is too open the first time you meet him or her. Run away.

For some strange reason I cannot seem to take my own advice no matter how sound it proves itself to be. This particular bit of wisdom has proven true countless times for me. A year ago I was stuck in a cubicle with the most horrible person I have ever met and I had to work with her. I started out, three months earlier, as her friend. But she was far too open a person. She told me most of her life story and medical history in the first 5 minutes of meeting her. She seemed funny and fun-loving. So I ignored my qualms about how much information she gave and tried to befriend her. Little did I know that in only one month I would be hiding in the bathroom every chance I got just to have some peace. Of course, the bathroom being one with stalls that you have to come out of when someone else needs them she would find me in there. And if she found me in there she would take that as an opportunity to start a fight. My workplace was not safe for me anymore and people even started to mock me behind my back. Apparently I was weird because I had a colored frog toy that shone with pretty lights when you squeezed him. He sat on my desk. Soon the whole company knew about my toy frog. I also got in trouble with said person for "yelling" at her. Now, if you have ever met me then you know I cannot actually raise my voice to a yelling level. But, yes, I did tell my co-worker that she was disrespectful and unprofessional. I believe I used the phrase, "There is a line and you crossed it," once as well. I tried to get her to understand that getting her work done was the most important thing. It did not go over well.

Sadly, that was not the last time I disobeyed my own admonishment. I have done it again! I am not going to tell the story, because it would be unprofessional and disrespectful to do so at this point. But I want my audience to remember my words. You cannot trust people who give too much away at the first hello. If you want to try to be friends with them do so at your own peril. Even if the person turns out to be nice (and many of this type of people do turn out to be nice) he or she will inevitably abuse your friendship. The person who is careless with the things that are dear to her is even more careless with the things that are dear to other people. Friend is a title to be earned, not bestowed. Do not give in to the temptation to call someone your friend before the "getting to know you" portion of the relationship is over. Especially if the person starts referring to you as his or her "friend." That early into the relationship it's just not appropriate to bring up the f-word.

I am reminded of an episode of Seinfeld in which Jerry's new friend asks Jerry to help him move to a new house. Jerry goes on a long rant about how he does not feel that the relationship has reached a point where the other guy can ask Jerry such a thing. It's supposed to be funny, but it is so not funny when you have something like that happen to you. So watch out.

Oh, and if you're reading this then I'm not talking about you.

Ah, Logic #14

2008-01-10T10:16:00.000-06:00

The media gets it wrong all the time. This presidential primary race is solid proof of that fact. I totally wish the media would stick to reporting and analyzing and get out of the business of predicting. It takes real research and education to predict. Yes, that means more than the research and education necessary to report what's happening.

He's My Candidate

2008-01-09T19:19:00.000-06:00

. . . and he was on Jay Leno Monday night. Enjoy the show.